Best served cold
Best served cold
Манхва Месть подаётся холодной | Best Served Cold | Sseuregireul wihayeo
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Томов: 2, выпуск продолжается
Издательство: Lezhin Comics
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Age 15
15 лет
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«Лучше подавать холодным»: Отряд Самоубийц лишь нервно курит в сторонке
Несложно догадаться, тема романа Джо Аберкромби «Лучше подавать холодным» — месть. Наёмница Монцкарро Муркатто была предана свои нанимателем накануне его триумфа. Опасаясь, что талантливая подопечная решит отобрать у него корону, герцог Орсо руками группы заговорщиков устраняет наёмницу вместе с братом весьма жестоким способом. Но она выживает и, едва восстановившись, тут же приступает к мести.
Все книги цикла:
Очередной роман Аберкромби о мире Земного Круга отправляет читателя на край света — в Стирию. Имена и названия намекают любопытному читателю, что прообразом этого государства стала раздробленная феодальная Италия и её города-государства. Раньше наемница Монцкарро завоёвывала их огнём и мечом для герцога Орсо, а теперь путешествует ради поимки своих своих несостоявшихся убийц, предварительно собрав команду из крайне опасных типов. Читателя ждёт яркий тур по Стирии, которую уже второе десятилетие раздирают Кровавые годы. Едва ли Джо планировал проводить экскурсию, но это едва ли не самое лучшее знакомство с государством, какое можно отыскать в его книгах.
Сильной стороной таланта Аберкромби остаются персонажи: четвёртый роман подтверждает закономерность. На этот раз в центр истории попали душегубы и убийцы всех мастей. У каждого свои странности и часто не слишком приятные черты — книгу лучше сразу пропустить тем, кто терпеть не может отрицательных героев. Как не старайся — а Монза в этом хороша — ничего с такой компанией по плану пойти просто не может. Так что читателя ждут и нервные стычки, быстро выходящие из под какого-либо контроля, и острые диалоги, когда от героев не ждёшь ничего, кроме поножовщины.
Планирование и диалоги — это от силы две трети романа, если не половина. Оставшаяся часть, увы, уныла. Если закрыть глаза на внутреннюю рефлексию ПОВов, то можно столкнуться с кучей сцен полного бардака: кто-то, спотыкаясь, куда-то бежит, вокруг всё горит, и все планы идут крахом. Хвалёную кинематографичность книг Аберкромби в эти момент легко сравнить с трясущейся камерой в кино, где разобрать детали происходящего невозможно. Обилие таких сцен создаёт ощущение затянутости, хотя без этих переходов и не обойтись.
Книга — непрямое продолжение «Первого закона». События разворачиваются спустя четыре года после окончания трилогии, так что читателей ждут и знакомые лица, и названия. Лучше бы Аберкромби ограничился лишь этими мимолётными камео и небольшими подмигиваниями своим верным читателям. Вместо этого ближе к финалу он ловко вплетает события романа в противостояние, которое в полном масштабе были представлены на страницах «Первого закона». В итоге какие-то моменты для новых читателей останутся непонятны, а другие пройдут недооценёнными. Читать роман в отрыве от предыдущих книг будет большой ошибкой, при том, что многим она покажется куда интереснее других книг цикла.
» «Лучше подавать холодным» проще первой трилогии Аберкромби. Здесь автор отказывается от сложного сюжета и больших масштабов в пользу персонажей и характеров. Ни одного из героев книги нельзя не то что положительными назвать – у них, фактически, нет искупающих качеств. Самые симпатичные, Коска и Френдли, – серийный предатель/пьяница и психопат-убийца, соответственно. Все в книге подчинено единственному желанию отомстить обидчикам, ни с кем из героев читателю не хочется себя ассоциировать. И все вокруг Монцы теряют себя еще больше, становясь только хуже. В какой-то момент ловишь себя на ощущении, что чтение книги сродни наблюдению за разворачивающейся катастрофой — вроде бы и хочешь отвернуться, а не можешь. Аберкромби мастерски разыграл простую, в общем-то, идею, поместив действие в самый разнообразный из своих сеттингов».
ИТОГО: отличная книга для тех, кто любит грязные истории о сложных и малоприятных на первый взгляд героев. Картину портит только несамостоятельность, которая смазывает финал.
Купить книгу «Лучше подавать холодным» на Ozon
Автор — Джо Аберкромби
Формат издания — 138×212 (средний формат)
Количество страниц — 640
Год выпуска — 2018
ISBN — 978-5-699-94035-6
Издательство — Эксмо, Fanzon
Переводчик — Инна Шаргородская
Серия — Fantasy World
Переплет — Твердый переплет, суперобложка
Язык издания — Русский
Тип издания — Отдельное издание
Вес в упаковке — 655 г.
Best Served Cold
Best Served Cold
Author
Publication date
Published by
In-verse Timeframe
Best Served Cold is Joe Abercrombie’s fourth novel. It was first published in June 2009 by Gollancz in the UK, with an American edition following from Orbit Books. It is the first stand-alone novel set in the First Law world.
Contents
Publisher’s Synopsis [ ]
Springtime in Styria. And that means war. Springtime in Styria. And that means revenge.
There have been nineteen years of blood. The ruthless Grand Duke Orso is locked in a vicious struggle with the squabbling League of Eight, and between them they have bled the land white. While armies march, heads roll and cities burn, behind the scenes bankers, priests and older, darker powers play a deadly game to choose who will be king.
Her allies include Styria’s least reliable drunkard, Styria’s most treacherous poisoner, a mass-murderer obsessed with numbers and a Northman who just wants to do the right thing. Her enemies number the better half of the nation. And that’s all before the most dangerous man in the world is dispatched to hunt her down and finish the job Duke Orso started.
Springtime in Styria. And that means revenge.
Characters [ ]
The seven men who must die
Plot Summary [ ]
Best Served Cold takes place three years after the events of The First Law in Styria, a land of warring city-states reminiscent of Renaissance Italy, and is a tale of betrayal and revenge, plain and simple.
Monzcarro «Monza» Murcatto is the notorious leader of The Thousand Swords mercenary company. She has brought victory after victory to her employer Grand Duke Orso of Talins, and become wealthy and popular as a result. Perhaps too popular. Unfortunately for Monza, he has her and her beloved brother Benna thrown down a mountain. Unfortunately for Orso, she survives the stabbing, mutilating, garroting and a brutal fall.
Now the Snake of Talins wants vengeance against the seven men responsible; Orso’s bodyguard Gobba, his banker Mauthis, the general of his armies Ganmark, her treacherous second-in-command Faithful Carpi, his sons Prince Ario and Count Foscar, and finally Orso himself.
However she can’t do it alone, so she enlists the help of an oddball carnival of psychopaths to aid her in her quest. This includes: Caul Shivers, a Northman looking to make a fresh start; Friendly, a number-obsessed ex-convict; Castor Morveer, a self-congratulatory blowhard of a poisoner, and his constantly-eating apprentice Day; Shylo Vitari, a former Practical; and last, but by no means the least, the lovable scoundrel and drunkard has-been Nicomo Cosca.
Across Styria, they systematically work their way through Monza’s list. On the way, they not only kill their targets, but poison an entire bank full of people in Westport, burn a bordello to the ground in Sipani, and play no small role in the fate of Styria as a whole. Before Monza finally kills Duke Orso himself, he reveals that his fears were well-founded, and Benna was indeed planning to usurp him without Monza’s knowledge.
Meanwhile, various subplots interweaver Monza’s bloody-minded violent revenge. Bayaz and Khalul continue their machinations on the grand chessboard in Styria. Caul Shivers’ moral transformation from a likable optimist to a cold-blooded killer. Through Monza’s flashbacks we learn that her reputation as a butcher of the innocent, may not be as simple as all that. And a mysterious assassin called Shenkt who has his own plans for Monza, and his own desire for revenge … against Bayaz.
In the end, Monza is Grand Duchess of Talins just as Benna had planned, one of the only stable states in Styria. She has fulfilled Shenkt’s plan all along, a strong leader in Styria, supported by neither Bayaz nor Khalul.
Best Served Cold
«Joe Abercrombie’s Best Served Cold is a bloody and relentless epic of vengeance and obsession in the grand tradition, a kind of splatterpunk sword ‘n sorcery … This is his best book yet.»
George R. R. Martin, author of A Game of Thrones
«Joe Abercrombie’s Best Served Cold is a bloody and relentless epic of vengeance and obsession in the grand tradition, a kind of splatterpunk sword ‘n sorcery … This is his best book yet.»
George R. R. Martin, author of A Game of Thrones
The First Stand-Alone Novel in the World of The First Law
“Revenge is a dish best served cold.” – Pierre Choderlos de Laclos
Springtime in Styria. And that means war.
There have been nineteen years of blood. The ruthless Grand Duke Orso is locked in a vicious struggle with the squabbling League of Eight, and between them they have bled the land white. While armies march, heads roll, and cities burn, behind the scenes bankers, priests and older, darker powers play a deadly game to choose who will be king.
War may be hell, but for Monza Murcatto, the Snake of Talins, the most feared and famous mercenary in Duke Orso’s employ, it’s a damn good way of making money too. Her victories have made her popular – a shade too popular for her employer’s taste. Betrayed, thrown down a mountain and left for dead, Murcatto’s reward is a broken body and a burning hunger for vengeance. Whatever the cost, seven men must die.
Her allies include Styria’s least reliable drunkard, Styria’s most treacherous poisoner, a mass-murderer obsessed with numbers and a barbarian who just wants to do the right thing. Her enemies number the better half of the nation. And that’s all before the most dangerous man in the world is dispatched to hunt her down and finish the job Duke Orso started…
Springtime in Styria. And that means revenge.
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Extracts
Benna Murcatto Saves A Life
The sunrise was the colour of bad blood. It leaked out of the east and stained the dark sky red, marked the scraps of cloud with stolen gold. Underneath it the road twisted up the mountainside towards the fortress of Fontezarmo – a cluster of sharp towers, ash-black against the wounded heavens. The sunrise was red, black and gold.
The colours of their profession.
‘You look especially beautiful this morning, Monza.’
She sighed, as if that was an accident. As if she hadn’t spent an hour preening herself before the mirror. ‘Facts are facts. Stating them isn’t a gift. You only prove you’re not blind.’ She yawned, stretched in her saddle, made him wait a moment longer. ‘But I’ll hear more.’
‘You pompous cock. What was it yesterday? A curtain of midnight. I liked that better, it had some poetry to it. Bad poetry, but still.’
‘Shit.’ He squinted up at the clouds. ‘Your eyes, then, gleam like piercing sapphires, beyond price!’
‘I’ve got stones in my face, now?’
‘Lips like rose petals?’
She spat at him, but he was ready and dodged it, the phlegm clearing his horse and falling on the dry stones beside the track. ‘That’s to make your roses grow, arsehole. You can do better.’
‘Harder every day,’ he muttered. ‘That jewel I bought looks wonderful well on you.’
She held up her right hand to admire it, a ruby the size of an almond, catching the first glimmers of sunlight and glistening like an open wound. ‘I’ve had worse gifts.’
‘It matches your fiery temper.’
She snorted. ‘And my bloody reputation.’
‘Of War. You like it?’
‘It’ll do. If you can kiss Duke Orso’s arse half so well, we might even get a bonus.’
Hooves crunched on the dusty track, saddles creaked and harness rattled. The road turned back on itself, and again. The rest of the world dropped away below them. The eastern sky bled out from red to butchered pink. The river crept slowly into view, winding through the autumn woods in the base of the steep valley. Glittering like an army on the march, flowing swift and merciless towards the sea. Towards Talins.
‘I’m waiting,’ he said.
‘My share of the compliments, of course.’
‘Stabbed!’ Benna clutched one hand to his chest. ‘Right here! Is this how you repay my years of devotion, you heartless bitch?’
‘How dare youpresume to be devoted to me, peasant? You’re like a tick devoted to a tiger!’
‘Tiger? Hah! When they compare you to an animal they usually pick a snake.’
‘Better than a maggot.’
She could hardly deny that one. Silence settled on them again. A bird trilled from a thirsty tree beside the road.
Benna’s horse drew gradually up beside hers, and ever so gently he murmured, ‘You look especially beautiful this morning, Monza.’
That brought a smile to the corner of her mouth. The corner he couldn’t see. ‘Well. Facts are facts.’
She spurred round one more steep bend, and the outermost wall of the citadel of Fontezarmo thrust up ahead of them. A narrow bridge crossed a dizzy ravine to the gatehouse, water sparkling as it fell away beneath. At the far end an archway yawned, welcoming as a grave.
‘They’ve strengthened the walls since last year,’ muttered Benna. ‘I wouldn’t fancy trying to storm the place.’
‘Don’t pretend you’d have the guts to climb the ladder.’
‘I wouldn’t fancy telling someone else to storm the place.’
‘Don’t pretend you’d have the guts to give the orders.’
‘I wouldn’t fancy watching you tell someone else to storm the place.’
‘No.’ She leaned gingerly from her saddle and frowned down at the plummeting drop on her left. Then she peered up at the sheer wall on her right, battlements a jagged black edge against the brightening sky. ‘It’s almost as if Orso’s worried someone might try to kill him.’
‘He’s got enemies?’ breathed Benna, eyes round as saucers with mock amazement.
‘Only half of Styria.’
‘More than half of Styria.’
‘Huh.’ She felt the familiar frown gripping her face. ‘You can afford to smile. You’re the good one.’
It was a different world beyond the gates, air heavy with lavender, shining green after the grey mountainside. A world of close-clipped lawns, of hedges tortured into wondrous shapes, of fountains throwing up glittering spray. Grim guardsmen, the black cross of Talins stitched into their white surcoats, spoiled the mood at every doorway.
‘Let’s make this the last season on campaign,’ Benna wheedled. ‘The last summer in the dust. Let’s find something more comfortable to do. Now, while we’re young.’
‘What about the Thousand Swords? Closer to ten thousand now, all looking to us for orders.’
‘They can look elsewhere. They joined us for plunder and we’ve given them plenty. They’ve no loyalty beyond their own profit.’
She had to admit the Thousand Swords had never represented the best of mankind, or even the best of mercenaries. Most of them were a step above the criminal. Most of the rest were a step below. But that wasn’t the point. ‘You have to stick at something in your life,’ she grunted.
‘That’s you all over. One more season and Visserine will fall, and Rogont will surrender, and the League of Eight will be just a bad memory. Orso can crown himself King of Styria, and we can melt away and be forgotten.’
‘And you the fearless Duke Benna?’ She laughed at that. ‘You stupid arse. You can scarcely govern your own bowels without my help. War’s a dark enough trade, I draw the line at politics. Orso crowned, then we retire.’
Benna sighed. ‘I thought we were mercenaries. Cosca never stuck to an employer like this.’
‘I’m not Cosca. And anyway, it’s not wise to say no to the Lord of Talins.’
‘You just love to fight.’
‘No. I love to win. Just one more season, then we can see the world. Visit the Old Empire. Tour the Thousand Isles. Sail to Adua and stand in the shadow of the House of the Maker. Everything we talked about.’ Benna pouted, just as he always did when he didn’t get his way. He pouted, but he never said no. It scratched at her, sometimes, that she always had to make the choices. ‘Since we’ve clearly only got one pair of balls between us, don’t you ever feel the need to borrow them yourself?’
‘They look better on you. Besides, you’ve got all the brains. It’s best they stay together.’
‘What do you get from the deal?’
Benna grinned at her. ‘The winning smile.’
‘Smile, then. For one more season.’ She swung down from her saddle, jerked her sword belt straight, tossed the reins at the groom and strode for the inner gatehouse. Benna had to hurry to catch up, getting tangled with his own sword on the way. For a man who earned his living from war, he’d always been an embarrassment where weapons were concerned.
The inner courtyard was split into wide terraces at the summit of the mountain, planted with exotic palms and even more heavily guarded than the outer. An ancient column said to come from the palace of Scarpius stood tall in the centre, casting a shimmering reflection in a round pool teeming with silvery fish. The immensity of glass, bronze and marble that was Duke Orso’s palace towered around it on three sides like a monstrous cat with a mouse between its paws. Since the spring they’d built a vast new wing along the northern wall, its festoons of decorative stonework still half-shrouded in scaffolding.
‘They’ve been building,’ she said.
‘Of course. How could Prince Ario manage with only ten halls for his shoes?’
‘A man can’t be fashionable these days without at least twenty rooms of footwear.’
Benna frowned down at his own gold-buckled boots. ‘I’ve no more than thirty pairs all told. I feel my shortcomings most keenly.’
‘As do we all,’ she muttered. A half-finished set of statues stood along the roofline. Duke Orso giving alms to the poor. Duke Orso gifting knowledge to the ignorant. Duke Orso shielding the weak from harm.
‘I’m surprised he hasn’t got one of the whole of Styria tonguing his arse,’ whispered Benna in her ear.
She pointed to a partly chiselled block of marble. ‘That’s next.’
Count Foscar, Orso’s younger son, rushed around the pool like an eager puppy, shoes crunching on fresh-raked gravel, freckled face all lit up. He’d made an ill-advised attempt at a beard since Monza had last seen him but the sprinkling of sandy hairs only made him look more boyish. He might’ve inherited all the honesty in his family, but the looks had gone elsewhere. Benna grinned, threw one arm around Foscar’s shoulders and ruffled his hair. An insult from anyone else, from Benna it was effortlessly charming. He had a knack of making people happy that always seemed like magic to Monza. Her talents lay in the opposite direction.
‘Your father here yet?’ she asked.
‘Yes, and my brother too. They’re with their banker.’
‘Good, so far as I can tell, but you know my father. Still, he’s never angry with you two, is he? You always bring good news. You bring good news today, yes?’
‘Shall I tell him, Monza, or—’
‘Borletta’s fallen. Cantain’s dead.’
Foscar didn’t celebrate. He hadn’t his father’s appetite for corpses. ‘Cantain was a good man.’
That was a long way from the point, as far as Monza could see. ‘He was your father’s enemy.’
‘A man you could respect, though. There are precious few of them left in Styria. He’s really dead?’
They passed through a high archway, the hall beyond dim and echoing as an emperor’s tomb, light filtering down in dusty columns and pooling on the marble floor. Suits of old armour stood gleaming to silent attention, antique weapons clutched in steel fists. The sharp clicking of boot heels snapped from the walls as a man in a dark uniform paced towards them.
‘Shit,’ Benna hissed in her ear. ‘That reptile Ganmark’s here.’
‘There’s no way that cold-blooded bastard’s as good with a sword as they say—’
‘If I was half a man, I’d—’
‘You’re not. So leave it be.’
General Ganmark’s face was strangely soft, his moustaches limp, his pale grey eyes always watery, lending him a look of perpetual sadness. The rumour was he’d been thrown out of the Union army for a sexual indiscretion involving another officer, and crossed the sea to find a more broad-minded master. The breadth of Duke Orso’s mind was infinite where his servants were concerned, provided they were effective. She and Benna were proof enough of that.
Ganmark nodded stiffly to Monza. ‘General Murcatto.’ He nodded stiffly to Benna. ‘General Murcatto. Count Foscar, you are keeping to your exercises, I hope?’
‘Sparring every day.’
‘Then we will make a swordsman of you yet.’
Benna snorted. ‘That, or a bore.’
‘Either one would be something,’ droned Ganmark in his clipped Union accent. ‘A man without discipline is no better than a dog. A soldier without discipline is no better than a corpse. Worse, in fact. A corpse is no threat to his comrades.’
Benna opened his mouth but Monza talked over him. He could make an arse of himself later, if he pleased. ‘How was your season?’
‘I played my part, keeping your flanks free of Rogont and his Osprians.’
‘Stalling the Duke of Delay?’ Benna smirked. ‘Quite the challenge.’
‘No more than a supporting role. A comic turn in a great tragedy, but one appreciated by the audience, I hope.’
The echoes of their footsteps swelled as they passed through another archway and into the towering rotunda at the heart of the palace. The curving walls were vast panels of sculpture showing scenes from antiquity. Wars between demons and magi, and other such rubbish. High above, the great dome was frescoed with seven winged women against a stormy sky – armed, armoured and angry-looking. The Fates, bringing destinies to earth. Aropella’s greatest work. She’d heard it had taken him eight years to finish. Monza never got over how tiny, weak, utterly insignificant this space made her feel. That was the point of it.
The four of them climbed a sweeping staircase, wide enough for twice as many to walk abreast. ‘And where have your comic talents taken you?’ she asked Ganmark.
‘Fire and murder, to the gates of Puranti and back.’
Benna curled his lip. ‘Any actual fighting?’
‘Why ever would I do that? Have you not read your Stolicus? “An animal fights his way to victory—”’
‘“A general marches there,”’ Monza finished for him. ‘Did you raise many laughs?’
‘Not for the enemy, I suppose. Precious few for anyone, but that is war.’
‘I find time to chuckle,’ threw in Benna.
‘Some men laugh easily. It makes them winning dinner companions.’ Ganmark’s soft eyes moved across to Monza’s. ‘I note you are not smiling.’
‘I will. Once the League of Eight are finished and Orso is King of Styria. Then we can all hang up our swords.’
‘In my experience swords do not hang comfortably from hooks. They have a habit of finding their way back into one’s hands.’
‘I daresay Orso will keep you on,’ said Benna. ‘Even if it’s only to polish the tiles.’
Ganmark did not give so much as a sharp breath. ‘Then his Excellency will have the cleanest floors in all of Styria.’
A pair of high doors faced the top of the stairs, gleaming with inlaid wood, carved with lions’ faces. A thick-set man paced up and down before them like a loyal old hound before his master’s bedchamber. Faithful Carpi, the longest-serving captain in the Thousand Swords, the scars of a hundred engagements marked out on his broad, weathered, honest face.
‘Faithful!’ Benna seized the old mercenary’s big slab of a hand. ‘Climbing a mountain, at your age? Shouldn’t you be in a brothel somewhere?’
‘If only.’ Carpi shrugged. ‘But his Excellency sent for me.’
‘That’s why they call me Faithful.’
‘How did you leave things in Borletta?’ asked Monza.
‘Quiet. Most of the men are quartered outside the walls with Andiche and Victus. Best if they don’t set fire to the place, I thought. I left some of the more reliable ones in Cantain’s palace with Sesaria watching over them. Old-timers, like me, from back in Cosca’s day. Seasoned men, not prone to impulsiveness.’
Benna chuckled. ‘Slow thinkers, you mean?’
‘Slow but steady. We get there in the end.’
‘Going in, then?’ Foscar set his shoulder to one of the doors and heaved it open. Ganmark and Faithful followed. Monza paused a moment on the threshold, trying to find her hardest face. She looked up and saw Benna smiling at her. Without thinking, she found herself smiling back. She leaned and whispered in his ear.
‘Of course you do.’ He stepped through the doorway, and she followed.
Duke Orso’s private study was a marble hall the size of a market square. Lofty windows marched in bold procession along one side, standing open, a keen breeze washing through and making the vivid hangings twitch and rustle. Beyond them a long terrace seemed to hang in empty air, overlooking the steepest drop from the mountain’s summit.
The opposite wall was covered with towering panels, painted by the foremost artists of Styria, displaying the great battles of history. The victories of Stolicus, of Harod the Great, of Farans and Verturio, all preserved in sweeping oils. The message that Orso was the latest in a line of royal winners was hard to miss, even though his great-grandfather had been a usurper, and a common criminal besides.
The largest painting of them all faced the door, ten strides high at the least. Who else but Grand Duke Orso? He was seated upon a rearing charger, his shining sword raised high, his piercing eye fixed on the far horizon, urging his men to victory at the Battle of Etrea. The painter seemed to have been unaware that Orso hadn’t come within fifty miles of the fighting.
But then fine lies beat tedious truths every time, as he had often told her.
The Duke of Talins himself sat crabbed over a desk, wielding a pen rather than a sword. A tall, gaunt, hook-nosed man stood at his elbow, staring down as keenly as a vulture waiting for thirsty travellers to die. A great shape lurked near them, in the shadows against the wall. Gobba, Orso’s bodyguard, fat-necked as a great hog. Prince Ario, the duke’s eldest son and heir, lounged in a gilded chair nearer at hand. He had one leg crossed over the other, a wine glass dangling carelessly, a bland smile balanced on his blandly handsome face.
‘I found these beggars wandering the grounds,’ called Foscar, ‘and thought I’d commend them to your charity, Father!’
‘Charity?’ Orso’s sharp voice echoed around the cavernous room. ‘I am not a great admirer of the stuff. Make yourselves comfortable, my friends, I will be with you shortly.’
‘If it isn’t the Butcher of Caprile,’ murmured Ario, ‘and her little Benna too.’
‘Your Highness. You look well.’ Monza thought he looked an indolent cock, but kept it to herself.
‘You too, as ever. If all soldiers looked as you did, I might even be tempted to go on campaign myself. A new bauble?’ Ario waved his own jewel-encrusted hand limply towards the ruby on Monza’s finger.
‘Just what was to hand when I was dressing.’
‘I wish I’d been there. Wine?’
He glanced heavy-lidded towards the windows. ‘Still last night as far as I’m concerned.’ As if staying up late was a heroic achievement.
‘I will.’ Benna was already pouring himself a glass, never to be outdone as far as showing off went. Most likely he’d be drunk within the hour and embarrass himself, but Monza was tired of playing his mother. She strolled past the monumental fireplace held up by carven figures of Juvens and Kanedias, and towards Orso’s desk.
‘Sign here, and here, and here,’ the gaunt man was saying, one bony finger hovering over the documents.
‘You know Mauthis, do you?’ Orso gave a sour glance in his direction. ‘My leash-holder.’
‘Always your humble servant, your Excellency. The Banking House of Valint and Balk agrees to this further loan for the period of one year, after which they regret they must charge interest.’
Orso snorted. ‘As the plague regrets the dead, I’ll be bound.’ He scratched out a parting swirl on the last signature and tossed down his pen. ‘Everyone must kneel to someone, eh? Make sure you extend to your superiors my infinite gratitude for their indulgence.’
‘I shall do so.’ Mauthis collected up the documents. ‘That concludes our business, your Excellency. I must leave at once if I mean to catch the evening tide for Westport—’
‘No. Stay a while longer. We have one other matter to discuss.’
Mauthis’ dead eyes moved towards Monza, then back to Orso. ‘As your Excellency desires.’
The duke rose smoothly from his desk. ‘To happier business, then. You do bring happy news, eh, Monzcarro?’
‘I do, your Excellency.’
‘Ah, whatever would I do without you?’ There was a trace of iron grey in his black hair since she’d seen him last, perhaps some deeper lines at the corners of his eyes, but his air of complete command was impressive as ever. He leaned forwards and kissed her on both cheeks, then whispered in her ear, ‘Ganmark can lead soldiers well enough, but for a man who sucks cocks he hasn’t the slightest sense of humour. Come, tell me of your victories in the open air.’ He left one arm draped around her shoulders and guided her, past the sneering Prince Ario, through the open windows onto the high terrace.
The sun was climbing now, and the bright world was full of colour. The blood had drained from the sky and left it a vivid blue, white clouds crawling high above. Below, at the very bottom of a dizzy drop, the river wound through the wooded valley, autumn leaves pale green, burned orange, faded yellow, angry red, light glinting silver on fast-flowing water. To the east, the forest crumbled away into a patchwork of fields – squares of fallow green, rich black earth, golden crop. Further still and the river met the grey sea, branching out in a wide delta choked with islands. Monza could just make out the suggestion of tiny towers there, buildings, bridges, walls. Great Talins, no bigger than her thumbnail.
She narrowed her eyes against the stiff breeze, pushed some stray hair out of her face. ‘I never tire of this view.’
‘How could you? It’s why I built this damn place. Here I can keep one eye always on my subjects, as a watchful parent should upon his children. Just to make sure they don’t hurt themselves while they play, you understand.’
‘Your people are lucky to have such a just and caring father,’ she lied smoothly.
‘Just and caring.’ Orso frowned thoughtfully towards the distant sea. ‘Do you think that is how history will remember me?’
Monza thought it incredibly unlikely. ‘What did Bialoveld say? “History is written by the victors.”’
The duke squeezed her shoulder. ‘All this, and well read into the bargain. Ario is ambitious enough, but he has no insight. I’d be surprised if he could read to the end of a signpost in one sitting. All he cares about is whoring. And shoes. My daughter Terez, meanwhile, weeps most bitterly because I married her to a king. I swear, if I had offered great Euz as the groom she would have whined for a husband better fitting her station.’ He gave a heavy sigh. ‘None of my children understand me. My great-grandfather was a mercenary, you know. A fact I do not like to advertise.’ Though he told her every other time they met. ‘A man who never shed a tear in his life, and wore on his feet whatever was to hand. A low-born fighting man, who seized power in Talins by the sharpness of his mind and sword together.’ More by blunt ruthlessness and brutality, the way Monza had heard the tale. ‘We are from the same stock, you and I. We have made ourselves, out of nothing.’
Orso had been born to the wealthiest dukedom in Styria and never done a hard day’s work in his life, but Monza bit her tongue. ‘You do me too much honour, your Excellency.’
‘Less than you deserve. Now tell me of Borletta.’
‘You heard about the battle on the High Bank?’
‘I heard you scattered the League of Eight’s army, just as you did at Sweet Pines! Ganmark says Duke Salier had three times your number.’
‘Numbers are a hindrance if they’re lazy, ill-prepared and led by idiots. An army of farmers from Borletta, cobblers from Affoia, glass-blowers from Visserine. Amateurs. They camped by the river, thinking we were far away, scarcely posted guards. We came up through the woods at night and caught them at sunrise, not even in their armour.’
‘I can see Salier now, the fat pig, waddling from his bed to run!’
‘Faithful led the charge. We broke them quickly, captured their supplies.’
‘Turned the golden cornfields crimson, I was told.’
‘They hardly even fought. Ten times as many drowned trying to swim the river as died fighting. More than four thousand prisoners. Some ransoms were paid, some not, some men were hanged.’
‘And few tears shed, eh, Monza?’
‘Not by me. If they were so keen to live, they could’ve surrendered.’
‘As they did at Caprile?’
She stared straight back into Orso’s black eyes. ‘Just as they did at Caprile.’
‘Borletta is besieged, then?’
The duke’s face lit up like a boy’s on his birthday. ‘Fallen? Cantain surrendered?’
‘When his people heard of Salier’s defeat, they lost hope.’
‘And people without hope are a dangerous crowd, even in a republic.’
‘Especially in a republic. A mob dragged Cantain from the palace, hanged him from the highest tower, opened the gates and threw themselves on the mercy of the Thousand Swords.’
‘Hah! Slaughtered by the very people he laboured to keep free. There’s the gratitude of the common man, eh, Monza? Cantain should have taken my money when I offered. It would have been cheaper for both of us.’
‘The people are falling over themselves to become your subjects. I’ve given orders they should be spared, where possible.’
‘Mercy and cowardice are the same,’ she snapped out. ‘But you want their land, not their lives, no? Dead men can’t obey.’
Orso smiled. ‘Why can my sons not mark my lessons as you have? I entirely approve. Hang only the leaders. And Cantain’s head above the gates. Nothing encourages obedience like a good example.’
‘Already rotting, with those of his sons.’
‘Fine work!’ The Lord of Talins clapped his hands, as though he never heard such pleasing music as the news of rotting heads. ‘What of the takings?’
The accounts were Benna’s business, and he came forwards now, sliding a folded paper from his chest pocket. ‘The city was scoured, your Excellency. Every building stripped, every floor dug up, every person searched. The usual rules apply, according to our terms of engagement. Quarter for the man that finds it, quarter for his captain, quarter for the generals,’ and he bowed low, unfolding the paper and offering it out, ‘and quarter for our noble employer.’
Orso’s smile broadened as his eyes scanned down the figures. ‘My blessing on the Rule of Quarters! Enough to keep you both in my service a little longer.’ He stepped between Monza and Benna, placed a gentle hand on each of their shoulders and led them back through the open windows. Towards the round table of black marble in the centre of the room, and the great map spread out upon it. Ganmark, Ario and Faithful had already gathered there. Gobba still lurked in the shadows, thick arms folded across his chest. ‘What of our one-time friends and now our bitter enemies, the treacherous citizens of Visserine?’
‘The fields round the city are burned up to the gates, almost.’ Monza scattered carnage across the countryside with a few waves of her finger. ‘Farmers driven off, livestock slaughtered. It’ll be a lean winter for fat Duke Salier, and a leaner spring.’
‘He will have to rely on the noble Duke Rogont and his Osprians,’ said Ganmark, with the faintest of smiles.
Prince Ario snickered. ‘Much talk blows down from Ospria, always, but little help.’
‘Visserine is poised to drop into your lap next year, your Excellency.’
‘And with it the heart is torn from the League of Eight.’
‘The crown of Styria will be yours.’
The mention of crowns teased Orso’s smile still wider. ‘And we have you to thank, Monzcarro. I do not forget that.’
‘Curse your modesty. Benna has played his part, and our good friend General Ganmark, and Faithful too, but no one could deny this is your work. Your commitment, your single-mindedness, your swiftness to act! You shall have a great triumph, just as the heroes of ancient Aulcus did. You shall ride through the streets of Talins and my people will shower you with flower petals in honour of your many victories.’ Benna was grinning, but Monza couldn’t join him. She’d never had much taste for congratulations. ‘They will cheer far louder for you, I think, than they ever will for my own sons. They will cheer far louder even than they do for me, their rightful lord, to whom they owe so much.’ It seemed that Orso’s smile slipped, and his face looked tired, and sad, and worn without it. ‘They will cheer, in fact, a little too loudly for my taste.’
There was the barest flash of movement at the corner of her eye, enough to make her bring up her hand on an instinct.
The wire hissed taught around it, snatching it up under her chin, crushing it chokingly tight against her throat.
Benna started forwards. ‘Mon—’ Metal glinted as Prince Ario stabbed him in the neck. He missed his throat, caught him just under the ear.
Orso carefully stepped back as blood speckled the tiles with red. Foscar’s mouth fell open, wine glass dropping from his hand, shattering on the floor.
Monza tried to scream, but only spluttered through her half-shut windpipe, made a sound like a honking pig. She fished at the hilt of her dagger with her free hand but someone caught her wrist, held it fast. Faithful Carpi, pressed up tight against her left side.
‘Sorry,’ he muttered in her ear, pulling her sword from its scabbard and flinging it clattering across the room.
Benna stumbled, gurgling red drool, one hand clutched to the side of his face, black blood leaking out between white fingers. His other hand fumbled for his sword while Ario watched him, frozen. He drew a clumsy foot of steel before General Ganmark stepped up and stabbed him, smoothly and precisely – once, twice, three times. The thin blade slid in and out of Benna’s body, the only sound the soft breath from his gaping mouth. Blood shot across the floor in long streaks, began to leak out into his white shirt in dark circles. He tottered forwards, tripped over his own feet and crashed down, half-drawn sword scraping against the marble underneath him.
Monza strained, every muscle trembling, but she was held helpless as a fly in honey. She heard Gobba grunting with effort in her ear, his stubbly face rubbing against her cheek, his great body warm against her back. She felt the wire cut slowly into the sides of her neck, deep into the side of her hand, caught fast against her throat. She felt the blood running down her forearm, into the collar of her shirt.
One of Benna’s hands crawled across the floor, reaching out for her. He lifted himself an inch or two, veins bulging from his neck. Ganmark leaned forwards and calmly ran him through the heart from behind. Benna quivered for a moment, then sagged down and was still, pale cheek smeared with red. Dark blood crept out from under him, worked its way along the cracks between the tiles.
‘Well.’ Ganmark leaned down and wiped his sword on the back of Benna’s shirt. ‘That’s that.’
Mauthis watched, frowning. Slightly puzzled, slightly irritated, slightly bored. As though examining a set of figures that wouldn’t quite add.
Orso gestured at the body. ‘Get rid of that, Ario.’
‘Me?’ The prince’s lip curled.
‘Yes, you. And you can help him, Foscar. The two of you must learn what needs to be done to keep our family in power.’
‘No!’ Foscar stumbled away. ‘I’ll have no part of this!’ He turned and ran from the room, his boots slapping against the marble floor.
‘That boy is soft as syrup,’ muttered Orso at his back. ‘Ganmark, help him.’
Monza’s bulging eyes followed them as they dragged Benna’s corpse out through the doors to the terrace, Ganmark grim and careful at the head end, Ario cursing as he daintily took one boot, the other smearing a red trail after them. They heaved Benna up onto the balustrade and rolled him off. Like that he was gone.
‘Ah!’ squawked Ario, waving one hand. ‘Damn it! You scratched me!’
Ganmark stared back at him. ‘I apologise, your Highness. Murder can be a painful business.’
The prince looked around for something to wipe his bloody hands on. He reached for the rich hangings beside the window.
‘Not there!’ snapped Orso. ‘That’s Kantic silk, at fifty scales a piece!’
‘Find something else, or leave them red! Sometimes I wonder if your mother told the truth about your paternity, boy.’ Ario wiped his hands sulkily on the front of his shirt while Monza stared, face burning from lack of air. Orso frowned over at her, a blurred black figure through the wet in her eyes, the hair tangled across her face. ‘Is she still alive? Whatever are you about, Gobba?’
‘Fucking wire’s caught on her hand,’ hissed the bodyguard.
‘Find another way to be done with her, then, lackwit.’
‘I’ll do it.’ Faithful pulled the dagger from her belt, still pinning her wrist with his other hand. ‘I really am sorry.’
‘Just get to it!’ growled Gobba.
The blade went back, steel glinting in a shaft of light. Monza stomped down on Gobba’s foot with all the strength she had left. The bodyguard grunted, grip slipping on the wire, and she dragged it away from her neck, growling, twisting hard as Carpi stabbed at her.
The blade went well wide of the mark, slid in under her bottom rib. Cold metal, but it felt burning hot, a line of fire from her stomach to her back. It slid right through and the point pricked Gobba’s gut.
‘Gah!’ He let go the wire and Monza whooped in air, started shrieking mindlessly, lashed at him with her elbow and sent him staggering. Faithful was caught off guard, fumbled the knife as he pulled it out of her and sent it spinning across the floor. She kicked at him, missed his groin and caught his hip, bent him over. She snatched at a dagger on his belt, pulled it from its sheath, but her cut hand was clumsy and he caught her wrist before she could ram the blade into him. They wrestled with it, teeth bared, gasping spit in each other’s faces, lurching back and forth, their hands sticky with her blood.
There was a crunch and her head was full of light. The floor cracked against her skull, slapped her in the back. She spat blood, mad screams guttering to a long drawn croak, clawing at the smooth floor with her nails.
‘Fucking bitch!’ The heel of Gobba’s big boot cracked down on her right hand and sent pain lancing up her forearm, tore a sick gasp from her. His boot crunched again across her knuckles, then her fingers, then her wrist. At the same time Faithful’s foot was thudding into her ribs, over and over, making her cough and shudder. Her shattered hand twisted, turned sideways on. Gobba’s heel crashed down and crushed it flat into the cold marble with a splintering of bone. She flopped back, hardly able to breathe, the room turning over, history’s painted winners grinning down.
‘You stabbed me, you dumb old bastard! You stabbed me!’
‘You’re hardly even cut, fathead! You should’ve kept a hold on her!’
‘I should stab the useless pair of you!’ hissed Orso’s voice. ‘Just get it done!’
Gobba’s great fist came down, dragged Monza up by her throat. She tried to grab at him with her left hand but all her strength had leaked out through the hole in her side, the cuts in her neck. Her clumsy fingertips only smeared red traces across his stubbly face. Her arm was dragged away, twisted sharply behind her back.
‘Where’s Hermon’s gold?’ came Gobba’s rough voice. ‘Eh, Murcatto? What did you do with the gold?’
Monza forced her head up. ‘Lick my arse, cocksucker.’ Not clever, perhaps, but from the heart.
‘There never was any gold!’ snapped Faithful. ‘I told you that, pig!’
‘There’s this much.’ One by one, Gobba twisted the battered rings from her dangling fingers, already bloating, turning angry purple, bent and shapeless as rotten sausages. ‘Good stone, that,’ he said, peering at the ruby. ‘Seems a waste of decent flesh, though. Why not give me a moment with her? A moment’s all it would take.’
Prince Ario tittered. ‘Speed isn’t always something to be proud of.’
‘For pity’s sake!’ Orso’s voice. ‘We’re not animals. Off the terrace and let us be done. I am late for breakfast.’
She felt herself dragged, head lolling. Sunlight stabbed at her. She was lifted, limp boots scraping on stone. Blue sky turning. Up onto the balustrade. The breath scraped at her nose, shuddered in her chest. She twisted, kicked. Her body, struggling vainly to stay alive.
‘Let me make sure of her.’ Ganmark’s voice.
‘How sure do we need to be?’ Blurry through the bloody hair across her eyes she saw Orso’s lined face. ‘I hope you understand. My great-grandfather was a mercenary. A low-born fighting man, who seized power by the sharpness of his mind and sword together. I cannot allow another mercenary to seize power in Talins.’
She meant to spit in his face, but all she did was blow bloody drool down her own chin. ‘Fuck yourse—’
Then she was flying.
Her torn shirt billowed and flapped against her tingling skin. She turned over, and over, and the world tumbled around her. Blue sky with shreds of cloud, black towers at the mountain top, grey rock face rushing past, yellow-green trees and sparkling river, blue sky with shreds of cloud, and again, and again, faster, and faster.
Cold wind ripped at her hair, roared in her ears, whistled between her teeth along with her terrified breath. She could see each tree, now, each branch, each leaf. They surged up towards her. She opened her mouth to scream—
Twigs snatched, grabbed, lashed at her. A broken branch knocked her spinning. Wood cracked and tore around her as she plunged down, down, and crashed into the mountainside. Her legs splintered under her plummeting weight, her shoulder broke apart against firm earth. But rather than dashing her brains out on the rocks, she only shattered her jaw against her brother’s bloody chest, his mangled corpse wedged against the base of a tree.
Which was how Benna Murcatto saved his sister’s life.
She bounced from the corpse, three-quarters senseless, and down the steep mountainside, over and over, flailing like a broken doll. Rocks, and roots, and hard earth clubbed, punched, crushed her, as if she was battered apart with a hundred hammers.
She tore through a patch of bushes, thorns whipping and clutching. She rolled, and rolled, down the sloping earth in a cloud of dirt and leaves. She tumbled over a tree root, crumpled on a mossy rock. She slid slowly to a stop, on her back, and was still.
Stones clattered down around her, sticks and gravel. Dust slowly settled. She heard wind, creaking in the branches, crackling in the leaves. Or her own breath, creaking and crackling in her broken throat. The sun flickered through black trees, jabbing at one eye. The other was dark. Flies buzzed, zipping and swimming in the warm morning air. She was down with the waste from Orso’s kitchens. Sprawled out helpless in the midst of the rotten vegetables, and the cooking slime, and the stinking offal left over from the last month’s magnificent meals. Tossed out with the rubbish.
A jagged, mindless sound. She was embarrassed by it, almost, but couldn’t stop making it. Animal horror. Mad despair. The groan of the dead, in hell. Her eye darted desperately around. She saw the wreck of her right hand, a shapeless, purple glove with a bloody gash in the side. One finger trembled slightly. Its tip brushed against torn skin on her elbow. The forearm was folded in half, a broken-off twig of grey bone sticking through bloody silk. It didn’t look real. Like a cheap theatre prop.
The fear had hold of her now, swelling with every breath. She couldn’t move her head. She couldn’t move her tongue in her mouth. She could feel the pain, gnawing at the edge of her mind. A terrible mass, pressing up against her, crushing every part of her, worse, and worse, and worse.
Benna was dead. A streak of wet ran from her flickering eye and she felt it trickle slowly down her cheek. Why was she not dead? How could she not be dead?
Soon, please. Before the pain got any worse. Please, let it be soon.
Literature / Best Served Cold
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Best Served Cold is a 2009 Low Fantasy novel by Joe Abercrombie, part of his The First Law series. It’s set a few years after events of the main trilogy, and a fair number of characters in it were supporting characters in the trilogy.
As might be imagined, this is a tale of revenge.
In Styria, a land of warring city-states based rather obviously on Renaissance Italy, mercenary captain Monzcarro Murcatto («Monza») has come close to putting her employer, Duke Orso, on the throne, which would realize his lifelong dream of supremacy. He’s a suspicious man, though, and Monza’s success has brought her renown; fearing that she may try to convert that into political power, he has her and her brother brutally murdered and thrown off the battlements of his fortress.
A mysterious stranger finds her broken body and nurses her back to health; suspicious in turn of his motives, Monza escapes as soon as she’s able, and swears revenge on all the men present at her «murder»; seven in all, counting Orso, his two sons, his general, Monza’s treacherous second-in-command, Orso’s bodyguard, and the banker who’s Orso’s financial backer.
To do this, she assembles a team of oddballs; a warrior Northman failing at becoming a better man, a numbers-obsessed ex-convict, a pompous poisoner and his gluttonous assistant, an ex-torturer, and the alcoholic old mercenary captain that Monza replaced. The task begins easily enough, but Monza soon discovers that going after the powerful has consequences to her, to her companions, and to the fate of Styria as a whole.
This work provides examples of :
Best Served Cold – reread
Huge Spoilers! Those who haven’t read Best Served Cold look away NOW! And indeed buy and read it NOW! Or at any rate buy it. Reading is optional.
Some background may be helpful. This was my fourth book, but in many ways my difficult second project, as Before They are Hanged and Last Argument of Kings obviously continued with the same characters and plotlines as The Blade Itself. Plus it was the first book I started work on with books out there in the marketplace and therefore with (at least a little bit) of expectation from readers and critics. I’d written Last Argument of Kings in fourteen months, with relatively little blood, sweat and tears, and I expected this to be that little bit more straightforward again as I devoted more time to my writing, my craft improved and so forth. How wrong I was. Probably this was my most difficult book to write, I was crippled with doubts and worries about it pretty much from the start. It’s hard to put myself in that mindset now, but I think I considered giving up on it a couple of times. Certainly the challenge of coming up with new characters, new voices, new locations, a new style of storytelling approach, on a schedule and with people waiting, was vastly much more difficult and pressurised than I’d expected. In the end it took about 20 months to write, I think, and for a great deal of that time I was deeply worried that it would turn out … let’s say a little bit shit, and indeed that I’d never write anything as good as The First Law again. ‘Well, not every book can be your best…’ said with a mournful shrug of the shoulders was a frequent refrain of that time, as I recall.
Partly I think that was entirely inevitable having, against any expectations, finished “that project I’d always dreamed of writing since a young lad”, and having used up a lot of the ideas I’d come up with during, well, my life (alright, stolen from other writers) in writing The First Law. Partly it was difficulties with making the central character, Monza, work. Even back then (I was starting to plan this book probably around the time Before They are Hanged came out) I was a little dissatisfied with what I’d done with the women in The First Law, and I wanted to try my hand at a woman in the lead role. One would desire that the writing of a female character should be identical to a male one (not necessarily that the characters should feel identical whether male or female, but that the writing process should be the same with the same aim of producing the most vivid, interesting, authentic, multi-dimensional character possible), but I think there are actually a whole range of factors that make writing women more difficult than writing men if you’re a man. There are elements of the female experience you’re always going to be slightly guessing at. Just as one example, you’re probably going to have a lot of direct experience of how groups of men behave, you’ll hopefully have at least some experience of how men and women behave around each other, but by definition you probably won’t know much directly about how groups of women behave. The likelihood is extremely high that you won’t personally have had to deal with sexism in the same way. Stuff like that. And then you’ve probably read, watched, absorbed a shit-load of male-centric media of one kind or another as well, and not a lot of female-centric. You can research, you can ask questions, but watching How to Make an American Quilt just ain’t much substitute for, you know, being a woman. Plus you’re probably aware that your women characters are going to be exposed to a kind of scrutiny your male ones probably won’t be. If you’re writing tight point of view that slight distance, that slight doubt, perhaps a tendency to over-think and over-worry, can amount to some significant trouble in making a female character effortlessly pop in perhaps the way your male ones do. I’m by no means saying that it’s not possible for men to write good women, but for me, at least, I think it adds a level of difficulty – it’s definitely been something I’ve had – and continue to have – to work at. Anyway, Monza was difficult, and there were a lot of exacerbating factors: she was a central character in a way that I hadn’t had before, Glokta, Logen and Jezal had pretty much equal screen time in The First Law but here Monza’s PoV accounted for not much less than half the whole book, so the stakes were high. She was entirely the driving force of the book as well – Glokta, Logen and Jezal had minimal agency, they tended to very much react to events being directed from elsewhere, whereas Monza’s quest for vengeance was the engine from which all the events in Best Served Cold had to flow. And she was fundamentally not particularly likeable, especially to begin with, she’s cold, tough, calculating, ruthless, ultra single-minded. It wasn’t until I got to the end of my first draft that I really felt she resolved in my own mind, and I got a handle on how to make her work, mostly through a lot of cutting and streamlining. I think she does work, but doesn’t necessarily offer that immediately likeable, relatable, vivid central thread that Logen, and maybe even Glokta, give you in The First Law.
Best Served Cold certainly got good reviews at the time, not least from GRRM who described it as “a kind of splatterpunk sword n’ sorcery Count of Monte Cristo,” tee hee, still pleased with that one three years later, but looking at reader sites it’s probably my least liked book. Or at any rate my most divisive one. The most often disliked. On Goodreads it scores 4.06 compared to an average for me of 4.14, on Librarything 3.98 compared to 4.15 overall, on Amazon UK 3.8 compared to 4.2 for The Blade Itself and, for instance, a whacking 4.5 for The Heroes. Not massively significant, but noticeable, I’d say. Out of 69 reviews on amazon UK, it has 10 three star, 10 two star, and 4 one star. The Heroes has 56 reviews, with just 3 three star, 1 two star, and no one star. Obviously how a book scores on amazon is far from the only method of assessing its success, but still interesting. Some common criticisms, then, and whether they struck a chord with me having reread:
It’s not book four of the First Law. Well duh.
Monza isn’t likeable. As detailed above, there’s certainly some truth to this, but the degree of her unlikeability, as well as whether an unlikeable protagonist is necessarily a big problem, is going to depend on the reader. I actually found her pretty likable this time, or certainly relatable. She’s strong to a fault, savage even, but as the story unfolds we see she’s less evil than she seems, or even than she thinks, and not without her weaknesses, failings, guilt, occasional tendencies towards mercy for all they never do her any good. I actually think the little flashbacks that precede each part work really well, not only in breaking up the story into episodes, but in drip-feeding the reader a different interpretation of the past, one she can never present to others, or perhaps even to herself, she’s so trapped behind her own image of ruthlessness. It’s not necessarily that she improves so much as we come to see her differently as the story goes on. She gets no better than ambiguous, I guess, but she does at least get that far. More subtle than the way I usually tend to do these things, and asking more of the reader to rehabilitate an unlikeable character than to make them doubt a likeable one, but I still liked her and, much more importantly for me, since I’d much rather find a character interesting than likeable, found her deep and relatively convincing. I guess you could say she’s very masculine, fitting unapologetically into the hole that an ultra-macho male lead could occupy in this kind of story. She’s tough, self-reliant, hard-headed, ruthless, single-minded, decisive, arrogant, risk-taking, suspicious, manipulative, prone to verbal and physical violence, dominant in pretty much all her relationships. A man with tits, I think I’ve seen her described as, but that’s always seemed a really strange criticism to me, as though there’s only a certain range of behaviour within which a female character can be convincing. So Monza not likeable? I’m not that arsed.
It’s too long. I suspect this one somewhat depends. If you’re loving it you might think it was too short. The treatment had predicted a length of 150-175,000 words and the first two parts came in at around 25,000 words each, so had things stayed that way I would have hit the target with seven parts. As I introduced other points of view, though, especially Cosca, and the murders became more convoluted and bound up in larger plots, the parts (perhaps predictably) started to expand. In the end the book came in just a little shorter than Last Argument of Kings, somewhere around 228,000 words. It might well have been better to go for six, or maybe five men to be killed and therefore five parts, perhaps trimming one or two of the points of view, but I’d have had to make that decision pretty early on. Certainly I think, having gone with seven and worked out what the locations and content would be for each, I had to stick to the plan and let the book be the length it needed to be. I certainly don’t feel it’s bloated myself, it feels tight in the writing. I guess you could say that there’s always going to be a fundamental similarity between the parts – a man to kill, a plan to do it, the execution of it, onto the next, but it’s hard to see which part you’d cut – I made an effort to give each ‘episode’ a different tone, a different target, a different approach, a different backdrop, plus the broadening of the scale to finally bring in the whole politics of Styria works nicely, and the changing (or perhaps disintegrating) relationships within Monza’s dysfunctional fellowship move at the right pace. So, yeah, maybe could have been that little bit shorter, but no huge regrets from me here, except of course that I could’ve been paid the same for less work, curse it…
Generally speaking, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The writing felt nice and tight. A slight tendency toward listiness in some of the descriptions but overall I thought the settings came across vividly – worldbuilding ain’t especially my thing but I think I did reasonably well at it here, the cities are distinct and there are some very memorable scenes. I also noticed, or perhaps was reminded of, a few neat tricks of writing that I’d forgotten about – the seven men to be killed all have an animal with which they’re metaphorically associated – Mauthis a vulture, Gobba a pig, Faithful an old hound and so on – then the different parts all have a different style of imagery that keeps coming up – Visserine is full of painterly or sculptural metaphors, Westport of financial ones, and so on. Perhaps the first half of the book is a little stronger and more focused than the second, but I noticed nowhere where things really started to flag. The sequences in and around Cardotti’s House of Leisure I think are some of my best, really good use of alternating PoV, nice building of tension, nice description, nice shocks and surprises. That scene in which Cosca and Shivers select entertainers for the party I really enjoyed – funny, nimble, quick, delivering loads of information about the principals and their relationship while providing laughs and advancing the plot. Cracking multiple action sequence at the end as well, and I felt in general the action was varied and punchy enough to keep interest where it slightly flagged at times in Last Argument. Good pacing in this book, the seven episode structure worked well, there was a constant feel of cutting to the chase, the plot unfolds neatly and delivers surprises, the complimentary arcs of Shivers’ decline and Monza’s rehabilitation worked well for me, and there are some able supporting performances from Cosca, Friendly, Shenkt, Morveer, Vitari and others. The dialogue really sings at times. Of the four books I’d say I enjoyed it and Before They are Hanged the most. Probably this one I came closest to simply reading as, well, a reader would. I even felt that slightly mournful feeling when I finished it this morning. Ooooh, though, I wish he’d write another….
Posted in reading by Joe Abercrombie on June 19th, 2012.
Best Served Cold
Edit Locked
A long time ago, a certain character suffered malicious harm at the hands of another. Maybe this foe of theirs killed their parents, cheated them out of their inheritance, or framed them for a crime and got them unjustly locked up. The aggrieved character swore undying revenge on the one who did it. However, they couldn’t get revenge at the time for one reason or another: maybe the perpetrator was too powerful, while the victim was too young and weak to stand up to them. Maybe the victim didn’t even know who the perpetrator was except for some cryptic clue. But they didn’t give up on the idea of vengeance, oh no! They just decided to take their time about it.
Years later, they spend their time Walking the Earth, getting ready for that fight, somehow. Maybe they’re fighting to become strong enough to best the villain, or battling evil in the hope they’ll meet the villain (or someone suitable for getting revenge on the villain with). They may be doing this to help others, saving them from their fate, or if the enemy is a monster, they’ll hunt those down with a passion. But what they really want is to find the one who messed up their life, bring them to bloody justice and, through that sort out their problems. Pity the poor hero whose target declares that for them, it was Tuesday. Or who bides their time only to find that someone else has beaten them to it along the way or that they died some other way.
Named for the French (or Sicilian, or Klingon, or drow,
depending on who you ask) proverb, «Revenge is a dish best served cold.» At least in the case of drow, it also means one can have well-planned revenge and drive them mad with fear as a bonus. Contrast Restrained Revenge, where the wronged party only takes a lesser, symbolic, revenge.
As this trope can be integral to certain plots of fictional works and is fully realized at their resolutions, be warned that there will be spoilers. Read at your own risk!
For the 2009 novel by Joe Abercrombie, see Best Served Cold.
Examples
The Eternity She Wished For
Электронная книга Лучше подавать холодным | Best Served Cold
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Общая оценка
Сюжет
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Ожидание ответа от сервера
Информация о книге
«Прекрасен кусок хлеба для голодного. Прекрасна крыша для бездомного. Прекрасно вино для пьяницы. Лишь те, кому нечего желать, ищут красоту в куске камня».
«Лежа на смертном одре, наверняка больше жалеешь о времени, проведенном впустую, чем о худших своих ошибках».
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The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear
13 1/2 жизней капитана по имени Синий Медведь
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Best Served Cold
Building your business online
For over 15 years we’ve been creating websites, improving user experience and working with clients to improve their online presence.
From planning, testing and launching a new site to working on social media and online marketing we have worked with large and small businesses and charities to increase visitor numbers and bring in new customers.
About us
Best Served Cold is a web consultancy that provides a professional service with a personal touch. From start to finish you will deal with a dedicated team ensuring you can always talk directly to the people responsible for your site.
Due to the remote nature of the internet we have dealt successfully with clients from all around the UK. We are based within easy reach of London, Milton Keynes and Cambridge.
Our sites are built to high standards of accessibility and usability and we have advised on social media campaigns, PPC advertising and online marketing.
Who is Best Served Cold?
Best Served Cold is owned and run by Adam Lewis and Keith Pointon. We’ve been friends for over 25 years and have worked together since 2002, we set up Best Served Cold in 2004 and have been working on projects big and small ever since.
As freelancers and web developers we’ve worked on some of the largest websites in the UK: Tesco.com, Marksandspencer.com, Gov.uk are just a few examples. Through Best Served Cold we’ve worked on projects for: the NHS, Party Pieces, the Cabinet Office and lots of small businesses we’ve helped to get online.
We can offer advice on anything web related from Social Media Marketing and Search Engine Marketing and Optimisation (SEM / SEO) to Accessilbility, User Experience (UX) and eCommerce.
Rate card
Standard rate: £60 per hour (excluding VAT)
Note: The standard rate is for all work (HTML, CSS, PHP, JavaScript, design etc.) we undertake in-house.
Onsite consultancy and SEO/Accessibility review: £90 per hour (excluding VAT)
Hosting: £25 per month (excluding VAT)
Note: The monthly hosting fee includes
Find out more
Keith
Services
From start to finish Best Served Cold will provide a complete solution for your website. We can help to redesign an existing site to bring it up to date or we can discuss a new site and the best way to get your company or idea online and working for you. No matter the size or expectations you have of a website we are happy to talk to you about the best way to design, produce and market your site.
Over the last several years Best Served Cold has worked with companies of varying sizes, from startups to established businesses, to produce a range of websites. We offer advice on anything web related from Search Engine Marketing and Optimisation to Accessilbility and the best way to get a Blog noticed.
We pride ourselves on producing high quality websites that fully conform to the highest web standards. Our sites are accessible and search engine friendly, making sure that all our sites have the best possible chance of succeeding where so many others fail.
Our web design philosophy
Our service to you
Whether you need a brand new site to promote your business, or a redesign update of an existing site, we have the skills to manage the project from start to finish.
Our website design clients range from small start-up companies to large organisations and everything in between. With our combined experience in graphic design, website development, e-commerce systems and content management utilities, you can be confident that whatever your project demands, we can deliver. Browse our case studies and when you are convinced of our abilities, you may request your no cost, no obligation quote via our secure contact form.
We have designed and built sites covering a wide range of businesses and used our online marketing knowledge to promote these sites in the UK, Ireland and the USA.
Very simply: Best Served Cold can provide a complete solution for any business web site.
Contact
Best Served Cold are based around the Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire and Cambridgeshire borders – ideally placed to meet clients from all over the south east and nationally.
Please contact us by using the form below to send us a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible:
Best Served Cold
| ” | ||
| —MePhone4 |
| «Best Served Cold» | |
| Season 3, Episode 7 | |
 | |
| Challenge | Make a Mile High Pie for MePhone4 |
| Winner(s) | The Thinkers |
| Eliminated | Cabby |
| Original airdate | February 19, 2022 |
| Transcript | |
| Episode chronology | |
| Previous «Try Not To Laugh Challenge» | Next «Out of Body Experience» |
Best Served Cold is the 7th episode of Inanimate Insanity Invitational and the 40 th episode overall for the whole series. It was released on February 19th, 2022.
Contents
Synopsis
With our team dynamics disarranged, a delectable challenge awaits our newly-unbalanced group of 12! And after MePhone presents an enormously tall order, will things heat up, or will things get chilly? … After all, revenge is a dish…
«I think I finished. about half.»
This article is a stub.
You can help this wiki by expanding it.
Pre-intro
The episode starts with Candle reading Goo’s and Bow’s aura, after reading Goo’s aura as vibrant yellow, full of hope, creativity, often forming a confusing source, and a source of positivity. Upon hearing this, Goo was initially glad. However, Candles stated that Goo shared his faults for being cautious, frail, nervous and fear of unknown troubles, which led to his panic. Bow then asked Candle to read her aura, only led to the latter’s sudden silence, later broken by The Floor’s appearance, scaring Goo off. As Cabby stated the scream as the worst she had ever heard, Cabby, Bow, Goo, The Floor laughed. Once MePhone4 heard the laughter, he stepped in to ask Candle what she was doing, Cabby then replied to Me Phones that Candle was only doing aura readings, and that she, herself, was collecting the data that Candle provided. MePhone then took a look at the aura data, giving him the idea to disarrange the teams.
Post-intro
MePhone4 announced that he would disarrange the three teams into two, sorting mainly by the contestants’ weaknesses. As a result, The Sinkers are disbanded, and The NEW Pinkers and The NEW Thinkers are formed with significant team members modifications. The members of The NEW Pinkers are: Test Tube, Bow, Paintbrush, Silver Spoon, Cabby, and Balloon. The members of The NEW Thinkers are: Goo, Yin-Yang, Nickel, The Floor, Candle, and Clover, MePhone4 then puts the blame onto Cabby. MePhone4 says that he’s hungry and the contestants recommend some food, which Clover recommend a Mile High Pie which surprises everyone; MePhone4 then says that she «Nailed it!»
Challenge
Make MePhone4 a Mile High Pie, The Pinkers lose because Balloon made the crust flowers and because of Paintbrush’s fire making the pie not a full mile.
Elimination Time
Cabby told Test Tube that they should vote Silver Spoon out since Paintbrush and Test Tube are close, making him the obvious pick. During the elimination however, it is revealed Test Tube showed Cabby’s files to everyone on her team, with all of them being outraged. It is then revealed Cabby is the one eliminated, bewildering her. She is distraught by Test Tube betraying her, saying they could have gone far. Test Tube then talks about how she was writing down everyone’s flaws to try and take everyone down. Cabby talks to Test Tube about writing down their history, but they aren’t convinced. Before she is eliminated. She tries to ask some questions regarding Bow, but MePhone quicky interrupts her and pushes her away and into the Fist Thingy III.
Post-Elimination Time
Candle asked Goo whether he was in a comfortable headspace to receive some unsettling information, which he replied «yes». Candle then revealed the fact that she could not read Bow’s aura, as she had none, the scene ends with Bow pulling out a machine piece out of her head.
Voting Results
The fans voted for Balloon to receive immunity.
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Best Served Cold
Best Served Cold
Location
Start
Rewards
Previous
Appearances
Contents
Acquisition [ ]
Best Served Cold is received via a letter from First Enchanter Orsino after finding the three mages for Knight-Commander Meredith. If Hawke sided with the Templars at the beginning of Act 3, this quest will alternatively be received from Knight-Commander Meredith.
Walkthrough [ ]
The midnight Hightown Meeting
Templar Hall [ ]
Go to the Gallows and then to the Templar Hall. Talk to Orsino or Meredith, depending on who sent the letter.
When accepting the quest from Meredith:
When accepting the quest from Orsino:
Hightown [ ]
After Hawke gets the quest, go to Hightown at night and head to the Hightown estates neighborhood.
There, a battle with a group of Templars and 5-6 Mages will automatically begin when the party enters the area near to where Hawke need to be. Afterwards, loot the bodies to find a note that will instruct Hawke to head to the Docks (and an armor upgrade for Sebastian).
The meeting at the Docks
Docks [ ]
Go to the Docks and follow the arrow to the destination.
Secret Meeting Place [ ]
There will be another cut-scene before Hawke has to battle another group of Templars and Mages. There are two Standard-ranked traps (requiring 20 Cunning to disarm) in the main room, one on the eastern side and one on the western side.
There are at least two Templar Hunters and a Lieutenant alongside an Elite-ranked Enchanter in this fight.
There is an armor upgrade for Anders in the Warehouse and a gift for Fenris.
Keran will be here in templar plate regardless of the resolution of Enemies Among Us; he will tell Hawke that someone close to them has been kidnapped by the rebels and that they have been taken to a hideout on the Wounded Coast. At this point Hawke has the choice of:
If Hawke agrees with his views on Meredith, then he will automatically be allowed to leave.
Loot the area, there is a Complex-ranked chest (30 Cunning, 150xp) to the right of the entrance and the Blade of Mercy.
The Wounded Coast [ ]
Head to the Wounded Coast. Take the low path and head south towards the Ruins. Fight a small group of Templars and Mages on the way. A cut-scene will then occur where Samson will approach Hawke.
Samson will either admit that he conspired against Meredith and wanted to see her «out on her ass», or that Thrask thought he could change things from the inside. Selecting the humorous response will grant 
Isabela: friendship ( +5 ).
After the scene continue down the path until the party reaches the main group of Templars/Mages. They are being led by the templar Thrask, who will implore Hawke to side with them against Meredith. Behind him, whoever was taken hostage will be lying on the ground, unconscious.
«Release your hostage!»:
«I don’t support Meredith.»:
Whether she was sent to the Circle, or let her go during the quest Act of Mercy, Grace will call for the hostage to be killed and then turn on Hawke. When speaking to Grace:
Grace order Alain to kill the hostage; if you choose the diplomatic or humorous response then he will refuse to do it.
Grace kills Thrask and then attacks you.
During this battle, Grace herself is easily taken down, but becomes a Pride Abomination upon death. After the battle, Samson will return with Cullen. As with Keran earlier in this quest, Hawke will have the opportunity to decide the fate of Alain and Samson.
After the fight, talk with Cullen to decide the fate of the surrendering mages and rogue templars. Cullen will permit Samson to become a Templar again if Hawke requests that he give him another chance. Hawke can also ask Cullen to be merciful to Alain and the other mages who are arrested.
Note: Mage Hunter and Arcane Defender Achievement: This is the final chance to side with either the Templars or Mages. During the conversation with Cullen:
The achievement will not pop up until Hawke reports back to either Meredith/Orsino to end the Quest, providing they have sided with the same faction 4 times previously.
Cullen says to take Alain in for questioning.
Cullen asks if you have any recommendation for him to bring to Meredith:
Gallows [ ]
On return to the Gallows Courtyard, speaking to Cullen will discover how Hawke’s recommendation decided the fate of the surviving conspirators, but this step is not required.
Result [ ]
Return to Orsino/Meredith to complete the quest.
Afterwards, if Hawke returns to their estate, they will find a letter from either Meredith or Orsino that pertains to the quest The Last Straw. Note that once this letter from Meredith/Orsino is read, Hawke can no longer return to the Gallows without triggering the endgame. To indefinitely postpone that and still be able to read messages at home, Hawke can finish the quest except for returning to the Gallows and thus no message will appear at home.
Hostage [ ]
Bethany/Carver will be kidnapped if they are alive. It does not matter if they are with the Mages, Templars or the Grey Wardens.
If Bethany/Carver is dead, then Hawke’s love interest will be kidnapped. However, they will only be taken if they are not in their party when they travel to the Wounded Coast.
If Bethany/Carver is dead, the love interest is in the party, or there is no love interest, the companion with the highest friendship score who is not in the party at the time will be kidnapped.
If Bethany/Carver is dead, all possible companions have left or have not been recruited, and all remaining companions are in Hawke’s party, Anders will be kidnapped even though he is no longer a companion.
Best Served Cold/Transcript
«We signed a no spoiler contract!»
The following information may contain spoilers. Please read at your own risk if you have yet to watch the content the following information originates from.
Cabby: Told you they wouldn’t get it.
Your aura is a spiritual luminous energy.
. that comes from your being. For example:
Goo, your aura is a vibrant yellow.
Candle: You are full of hope and creativity, even if often from a.
. a confusing source.
But nonetheless you ARE a source of positivity.
Goo: Now that’s a win for the
Bow: Cheer Factory! Yesss!
Your aura also shares your faults.
. for you are cautious, Goo.
Frail. Nervous. And fearful of unknown troubles.
Cabby (in the CDC): I didn’t know if I should trust this «aura» idea.
But wow is it accurate!
Plus it’s JUICY and color coded!
I can’t resist that.
Bow: Haha! Now do me! Do me!
The Floor: Hey guys.
[GOO SCREAMS GROSSLY]
Cabby: Wow. That was the worst noise I’ve ever heard.
Bow: Oh you got scared. That was funny.
MePhone4 (in the CDC): Everyone’s been getting along so well lately!
Hey hey hey! What is this!?
I do NOT approve of small business growing on my otherwise free land.
The Floor: What did he call me?
Cabby: Relax MePhone! Candle’s just doing some very informative aura readings.
Candle: He wouldn’t get it.
Cabby: It’s actually quite amusing if you’d like a laugh!
You look like you need one.
MePhone4: Of course!
MePhone4: The answer’s been right in front of me all along!
MePhone4: Gather round! Becuase it’s time your LONG lasting friendships say SO LONG! Using this list provided by Cabby, I’ll use your strengths and weaknesses, specifically the latter, to form TWO NEW TEAMS!
The Floor: Haha. whaaaat??
Balloon: But I like my team! Even if it’s. just two people.
MePhone4: Well then it’s time The Sinkers sunk for good!
Balloon: NOOO. CASA DE GLOBO.
Nickel: UM? I thought we agreed on. Nickeltopolis?
[HILARIOUSLY COMEDIC SHUFFLING NOISES]
MePhone4: My lovely viewers, I have the absolute pleasure to introduce you to.
Silver Spoon: D-ew! This is awful!
Tall One, I’m feeling sad. Be a dear and cry for me.
Paintbrush: UGH. Of COURSE! I’m still stuck with-
Test Tube: Oh hiiiii!! 🙂
[MORE HILARIOUSLY COMEDIC SHUFFLING NOISES]
MePhone4: And now, introducing.
Yang: Oh this is FUUUN!
Goo (in the CDC): Sigh. I guess the Cheer Factory has become the.
Nickel: Dude, how is this better? I hate this team!
MePhone4: I know Nickel. that’s WHY it’s better.
Nickel: Ugh. man, really?
OH OKAY GREAT COOL AWESOME.
Clover: Wow hi! Nice to see you too!
MePhone4: It was all Cabby’s idea everyone.
Judge her accordingly.
Cabby: Are you kidding me?
MePhone4: Ugh. that was tough work.
I’m feeling huuuungryyy!
I’m really in the mood for.
Silver Spoon: Beignets!
Cabby: Cookies obviously.
Candle: Coconut caramel crisps?
Goo: A healthy salad!
Clover: Uh. Mile High Pie?
You nailed it! I DO want a Mile High Pie.
And that’s today’s challenge: Make me a MILE! HIGH! PIE!
Utilizing the Pic-Nix Tables, both teams will generate their ingredients and stack a pie out of ice cream that is EXACTLY a mile high.
The look must be. EXQUISITE.
The height. ACCURATE.
And the flavor. DECADENT.
The Floor: Uh hey? Down here?
Yeah, uh, why not just make a Mile High Pie using the Pic-Nix Tables?
the Pic-Nix Table can only generate a HALF Mile High Pie.
Doesn’t even come close!
Nickel: Hm, well maybe I can uh, heh, GET CLOSE to that table.
See what I could do over there.
MePhone4: Oh yeah? Don’t think so! Remember Nickel, you’re.
And don’t let me down on this one because I’ve EARNED a FULL Mile High Pie!
Goo: Hellooooo Newww Thinkers!
As the Cheer LLC of our handsome new team.
I’d like to propose we start with a group Hoo! Ray!
Candle: What a positively yellow idea.
Goo: Nonono! Togeeeether!
ALL EXCEPT NICKEL: HOO! RAY!
Nickel (in the CDC): Y’know, it’s incredible.
I don’t like a single one of ’em.
It seems like little ol’ Nickel didn’t receive the company newsletter!
Nickel: NOPE send me a postcard I’ve got better things to do bye!
Candle: Now that the hoorays have been hoorah’d.
. perhaps it’d be best to start the challenge.
Silver Spoon: Keep stacking that sticky stuff!
Your royal advisor commands you forth!
Sliver Spoon: Ah, yes, Balloon. You’re in charge of the. erm.
Off you go, Little Sinker.
Balloon: Happy to help.
Cabby: First MePhone pulled that stunt and passed ME the blame then I lost most of my teammates!
But. at least Test Tube is with me.
(now in the CDC) She’s a valuable mind and.
. hey I just wanna make things right with her.
(now out of the CDC) Hey Test Tube. Do you think you can help me?
Test Tube: You. need MY help?
Cabby: You’re a brilliant mind Test Tube and I’m sorry I discredited your intelligence.
We’ve both had some. bad. history.
But I’d like to rewrite our history!
One where the two of us combine our skills!
Test Tube: Huh. Wow. I um.
Cabby: I know, I know, but.
Look I like you. And if we can work it out we can make it far. together.
I promise, for the sake of the game.
Yeah okay! We’ve both been pretty.
. but! I think we can make this work!
Paintbrush: Ugh ew! There is ice cream IN MY BRISTLES!
Silver Spoon: Keep it up, Tall One!
You’re FINALLY coming in handy!
Cabby: What’s mine is yours. watch this.
Tell me, Test Tube, between Silver and Painty,
who IS the taller one?
Says here it’s Silver.
Silver Spoon: But of course! Thank you, Smart Ones, no bad hairdo needed here.
Silver Spoon: Hush now, Lesser-Tall One.
Cabby: So Silver, now that we’ve established YOU’RE the tallest, wouldn’t it make the most sense for YOU to be stacking the ice cream?
Silver Spoon: Wha- no! That’s. absurd!
Paintbrush (in the CDC): Back on The Thinkers, it really seemed like Silver was getting better. But now? Ugh. He’s just a royal pain in my-
Silver Spoon: AS you can see, I’M the Royal Advisory, Cabby.
Begone you Chariot of Knowledge! Shoo!
[CABBY LAUGHS] Cabby: Oookay Silver.
Test Tube: What was that about?
Cabby: A simple head game.
Silver’s lazy and careless and if we accentuate his weakness the team will have an easy choice to pick off.
Or he’ll double down and mess things up himself!
It’s all about playing with the information, Test Tube.
You’ll learn that eventually.
Bow: So listen, I’M the Pink One. Got it?
Balloon: Look I’m more of a salmon, okay?
Cabby: Bow there you are!
I need you to build us a second ladder using your c̵͉̐͐̕h̴͕͗ȧ̶̼̑̀i̴̢͉͊r̴̹̯͔̿͂ș̷̰̏͜
We could get Silver up there and DOUBLE our productivity!
Silver Spoon: Ugggh, fine!
But make them ROYAL c̶̜̮̍̂͆̈́h̵̠̪̙̭̽͂̿̔a̶̼͛i̴̤̘̣̓͗ř̸̲͇ͅs̵̢͎̟͒̈́͌͘
I can’t be seen sitting on PEASENT c̷̦͖͕̟̭̋̅̿h̸̥̻̃ā̷͇̼̬̦͒̌ị̶̧̋ṛ̶̓̽̐͝š̷̝͝
Test Tube: HEY CABBY!
Uh, why don’t you run things over here while I take um.
Bow to get some more ice cream!
I could gather some. intel?
Cabby: CAPITAL IDEA!
This one’s been a real head scratcher.
Do let me in on what you find.
Nickel: Come on you stupid hunk of. whatever you’re made of.
Welp that’s all I’ve got.
Test Tube: You just cool off.
She’s been having a bad day.
Nickel: Welcome to my life.
First my alliance, then my team, and NOW, this mashuguna table is broken!
Test Tube: I thought you were banned?
Well, maybe I can help you out of this pickle!
Hey I’m. sorry about that whole Box tragedy.
I can’t fix what happened.
There’s only so many problems that can be solved with simple equations, but there’s so many more that have impossible, unspeakable solutions.
But, I wanna solve them anyway.
Nickel: Well hey, hack this table and I’ll consider it even.
Test Tube: So um, you liking your new team?
As far as I’m concerned, they’re my enemies. Heh, at best.
But y’know what they say about keeping your enemies close.
They’ll. eventually start to change you.
Test Tube: Well that should do it! The ban is lifted!
Oh uh, while I’m at it, STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM!
Bow: OMG the best kind!
Nickel: Thanks, and, hey, do me another favor will ya?
Just, would you look after Balloon?
Test Tube: Sure but, I-I thought you two hated each other.
Nickel: Well. not anymore.
Alright, here we go!
Clover: Um guys. this pie is waaaaay too high!
Candle: Wondrous coordination, Yin-Yang.
Remember, chocolate THEN vanilla. Then chocolate. Then vanilla. Then chocolate. Then vanilla. Then chocolate, then vanilla. Then chocolate, then vanilla. Then chocolate, then vanilla. Then chocolate-
Goo: But Candle!? We haven’t made a Mile High Pie. we’ve made a.
Cabby (in the CDC): Like listening to a road accident.
OH, now THAT’S a good analogy!
The Floor: Don’t worry team!
The Floor: [Epicly consumes the Two Mile High Pie]
[CABBY LAUGHS AGAIN]
Cabby: Balloon, I’ve been.
. «royally advised» to check on the status of the cru-
Balloon: I know, I know the recipe said «flower», but I thought «oh maybe one was too few?». so I got flowERS!
Silver Spoon: Goodness! It seems someone here has been dreadfully incompetent.
I just hope it wasn’t me.
Test Tube: Hey, heh, everything all right?
Cabby: Hm? Oh, Balloon has a history of being accident prone, especially in flower-related situations.
But he’s consistently immune from elimination.
We shouldn’t waste our votes on him even if he made the world come CRASHING DOWN!
Test Tube: Do Cabby and I agree on everything? Of course not.
Not even Fan and I agreed on everything.
(now in the CDC) But, I wish there was just ONE thing.
Then, maybe it wouldn’t. be a problem. (then out of the CDC)
The Floor: [SWALLOWS]
The Floor: Problem solved.
Goo: You ate too much!! Now we only have a Half Mile High Pie!!
What do we doooooo.
Nickel: I say we put two and two together!
Clover: Oh no! I’m so sorry!
I didn’t mean for you to get all wrapped up in my curse!
Goo: Whaddya mean? I WANTED to save you Clover!
Clover: Did you really mean to save me? Or did my curse compel you?
I’m not sure you have free will in the situation, Goo.
You just think you do.
Goo: OKAY COOL YOU’RE WELCOME I GUESS
Silver Spoon: My. from up here Paintbrush, your messy work looks only half as bad!
[PAINTBRUSH ANGRILY GRUMBLES]
Balloon: I think it looks pretty good.
Silver Spoon: That’s what I said.
I hereby decree your disgusting tower of goop.
Time to add the m̷̙̞̄ä̷̲̹͙͝͠ȓ̷͇̍̓ş̴̢̎h̵͚́m̸̰͉̎͋ä̷̙̈l̶̳̠̚l̸̝͑ö̵̩̀͘ẅ̴̛́̃͜ topping.
Balloon: Thought you could use this since you’re uh.
Silver Spoon: Ai ai ai woh ah!
Crazy what I’m doing right now, eh?
You’re probably wondering how-
MePhone4: I can only assume that the sound of illegal explosions and legalized laughter means that your pies are ready.
First up, New Pinkers.
While I appreciate you providing me with a large eating utensil, this pie is sadly NOT a mile high.
And your crust is made of. uh. flowers??
Looking nice- but wait a sec.
is this just. two half mile high pies. stacked on top of each other?
MePhone4: Okay. I trust you Nickel. Always so honest.
Thinkers, you win! Pinkers, you’re up for elimination!
Paintbrush (in the CDC): Geez I really lost it again.
I might be in for it tonight. but hey, it was worth it to see, heh. Silver. GET HIS FACE STUCK IN THE PIE! HAHAHAHA.
Silver Spoon (in the CDC): I have no royal comment at this time.
Cabby: Alright, we should aim for Silver.
Paintbrush messed us up pretty bad, but. I know you two are close.
It says so in your file! Heheheh! No need to thank me.
Test Tube: So Silver’s the obvious pick then. let’s do it.
Cabby: Figures, won’t miss him. Okay, let’s do this together.
I’ll go press the button, I need you to use this information and convince the others.
Can I trust you to do that?
Test Tube: For sure, um. but, wait. what about your files?
Cabby: You can hold onto them!
You’ve proven to have some great insight of your own and I value that a lot, Test Tube.
MePhone4: Before we get into this exciting elimination.
. is there anything anyone would like to say?
Balloon: [SIGHS] I’m sorry I messed things up you guys. I-
MePhone4: Yeah yeah Balloon, you got immunity. again.
Hooray, your mistakes don’t matter.
But. how will everyone elses?
One vote Cabby. One vote Silver.
That’s three votes Cabby. One vote Silver.
And the seventh contestant voted out is.
Test Tube (in the CDC): If I didn’t solve the problem.
Cabby: You did this.
Test Tube: Look, b-before you-
Cabby: We could’ve gone so far.
Test Tube: Why? We know what you’ve been writing, Cabby!
About all of our flaws! Just so you can take us down!
Paintbrush: I do NOT obsess over my hair!
Bow: And you, like, said I was dead! But you got the pink part right so, Eh.
Balloon: And I’m NOT pink! I’m SALMON.
Silver Spoon: You say I «never lift a finger»?
Well, I have quite the finger for you, dear.
(No it’s not the middle finger it’s the thumbs down you can stop being scared of II being 13+ now)
Cabby: You’ve got it all wrong, Test Tube! I-
I can’t believe you did this.
Test Tube: Because you expect everyone to act exactly how you write them to be.
Silver Spoon: You never know what someone will do under pressure.
Test Tube: Sure, right now I’m a convenient ally but tomorrow I might not be so convenient and I’ll be next! Right!?
That’s what you did to Fan! That’s what you’d do to them!
Cabby: That was not my intention! It’s.
to keep history. YOUR history.
Test Tube: Well, now YOU’RE history.
Cabby: Not yet. I need more answers.
YOUR ANSWERS. (talking to Bow)
How are you alive? Why are you here?
MePhone4: Hate to break this magical moment but oopsies look at the time!
MePhone4: Wow, that was an intense elimination for an even more intense player.
Surely nothing could ever top this!
Find out next time on Inanimate Insanity Invitational!
Candle: Goo, are. you in a comfortable headspace to receive some.
Goo: Oh yeah, for sure, yeah.
Today’s been a GREAT DAY for my HEADSPACE.
Candle: When I attempted to read your friend’s aura, I faced.
. something was. wrong.
I got my Silver Spoon!
Crazy what I’m doing right now, eh?
Writing another Inanimate Insanity episode?
Thanks so much for watching by the way!
[VERY EXPENSIVE SUNGLASSES BREAK]
You got three teams you can vote for!
You’ve got TWO teams you can vote for!
You can vote for one character on The Thinkers and one character on The Pinkers.
IT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU VOTE FOR ONE ON EACH TEAM.
Voting is at InanimateInsanity.com/vote
It doesn’t really seem like it’s a mile high.
Thank you guys so much for watching again and OH NO DON’T CLOSE IT-
Best Served Cold Quotes
“Shivers heaved out a sigh. “Just trying to make tomorrow that bit better than today is all. I’m one of those … you’ve got a word for it, don’t you?”
He looked sideways at her. “It was a different one I had in mind.”
“That’s the one. I’m an optimist.”
“How’s it working out for you?”
“Not great, but I keep hoping.”
“That’s optimists. You bastards never learn.”
― Joe Abercrombie, Best Served Cold
“You ever have the feeling you were in the wrong place? That if you could just get over the next hill, cross the next river, look down into the next valley, it’d all. fit. Be right.»
«All my life, more of less»
“All your life spent getting ready for the next thing. I climbed a lot of hills now. I crossed a lot of rivers. Crossed the sea even, left everything I knew and came to Styria. But there I was, waiting for me at the docks when I got off the boat, same man, same life. Next valley ain’t no different from this one. No better anyway. Reckon I’ve learned … just to stick in the place I’m at. Just to be the man I am.”
― Joe Abercrombie, Best Served Cold
Best Served Cold Artwork – US
Well WHAT a to-do. No sooner did Pat post Orbit’s US cover for Best Served Cold on his redoubtable Fantasy Hotlist than the inter-tubes BOILED OVER with hyperbole, bloggers, commenters and forum members spouting outrage from every orifice. Which caused both the US and UK covers to be plastered all over the place. What a shame, what a shame…
So what do I think? Let me be completely honest here (DISCLAIMER: The management wish to point out that Joe Abercrombie is never completely honest about anything, especially where commercial realities may be on the line. Actual honesty experienced may fall below accepted EU standards of honesty, and bear no relation to “the truth”. Always read the small print on any claims of honesty.) I really love the UK cover, and believe me, it looks a lot better in the gloriously textured wraparound flesh than as a flat JPEG.
But the folks at Orbit US, who are publishing Best Served Cold in America, wanted to go a different way, and since they are extremely highly paid professionals who know their market, being the SOUL OF MAGNANIMITY that I am, I permitted them to do so. A ha ha ha. Of course, no sane publisher would really give right of veto to an author, especially me. But they indulged me by attending to my opinion. Fundamentally, they felt it was a good idea, as far as selling the book went, to show a person on the front, that the book might appeal beyond confirmed parchment-lovers, and I kind of understood where they were coming from, and was interested, if nothing else, to see a different treatment. The first version they sent me was-a-this-one:
And I was like, “Hmmmm. Don’t know.” I thought with the half-cut-off face it looked much too much like a ladeeez historical novel. Kind of Other Boleyn Girl-ish. Kind of lowly scullery maid runs off to join the crusade and experiences adventures, romance, and big-sword-holding beyond her wildest dreams. Nothing wrong with that, except I did not write that book. Maybe I should? And, to be fair, no one that side of the pond had read the book yet, cause, erm, I hadn’t written it. So I said words to the effect of, “is it possible for it to, I don’t know, kick more ass?” They didn’t have to, but bless their kindly hearts they listened to me, and they came back with this:
And I was like, “Ooooh, that does kick more ass.” The figure was much closer to how I’d imagined the central character (I mean, not how did you get inside my mind and see exactly what I was thinking close, but close enough). But now, ingrate that I am, I was concerned that it had taken on a kind of a paranormal romance-y/urban fantasy-ish sort of a look. A gritty example of such, and not from behind like they often are but still, I was concerned. Now it is a bit of a weird book, this is true. I wouldn’t call it urban fantasy but I’m not entirely sure I’d call it epic fantasy either – in fact I’ll be interested to see what people do call it when it gets reviewed (obviously providing it doesn’t get called, you know, shit).
But I was worried that epic fantasy readers (the core of such established audience as I am cringingly grateful for, let us not forget) would look at this and think, “uh oh, he’s changed, man. He thinks he’s outgrown us. He’s trying to get him a slice of that sweet, sweet paranormal pie, and that jazz ain’t my bag.” When this jazz IS your bag, readers of epic fantasy, it IS! It’s EVERYONE’S BAG. Plus I was worried there was no sense of continuity with the trilogy, and also that the cover would not match with some design stuff we’re thinking of tinkering with on the inside of the book. I furthermore felt that the parchment-y covers of the First Law have kind of a unique look – there’s a bit of recognisable branding going on there that stands out from the crowd without standing out TOO MUCH, if you know what I mean. This cover seemed, well, a little bit like a lot of other stuff I’ve seen. I was worried, in spite of the texture and the rest, it might fade in amongst the many leather-clad swordswomen on today’s genre shelves. So, bless ’em again, they didn’t have to, but they listened to me (probably with teeth well-gritted) and they came back with the cover shown at t’top of t’post which, y’know, combines the two.
Some might say it’s a bit schizophrenic, a cover in two halves, but I actually quite like that aspect, think it makes it quite striking, odd, potentially attention drawing (which is kind of the point, after all). And textures, foils, embossing and so forth (which you don’t get the benefit of on your new-fangled computer screening devices) will hopefully further underline the divide. The inclusion of the map (which I understand will wrap around the spine and back as it does on the UK version) gives it some continuity with the trilogy and also some of that sense of unique-ni-ness.
Of course, some still complain that there’s a woman with a sword on the cover, so it still looks a bit like paranormal romance/urban fantasy but, you know, the main character is a woman. With a sword. If you want to put someone on the cover, who are you going to put on there? Some big barbarian in a posing pouch? That’d be weird. We’ll probably do that on the next book.
Anyway, Lauren Panepinto, the art director responsible for this internet tempest has put together an interesting post over at the Orbit site explaining some of the reasoning and process along with showing some other prototypes, which in turn brought out some more measured responses from the blogosphere. Someone’s even running a poll to see which one folks like best but, aside from the UK version, they seem to like the lowly scullery maid one most, so, you know, some people are completely beyond help.
In summary let me be completely honest again (and I hope the hard-working folks at Orbit US won’t take this the wrong way and blow my marketing budget on opium) and say I still prefer the UK version. But – if I can still find my own opinion under all this clutter – I see the commercial sense of the US one, and I do feel it’s faithful to the content. And here’s the thing – the one person they don’t need to sell it to is me. I get free copies. And, what’s more, I’ve already read it. Here’s the other thing – and this may hurt some among you just a little bit – the other people they don’t really need to sell it to are people who already like my stuff. They’ll probably buy it because of all the wonderful little word-gifts they know I’ve wrapped up inside just for them. The idea of this is to bring in new readers. Poor, pitiable folk still sleepwalking through their lives unaware of my genius. If it can bring some of them in from the cold then I’ll be well pleased.
There’s room in here for everyone…
Posted in artwork, process by Joe Abercrombie on February 5th, 2009.
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Best Served Cold
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45 comments
punctuation is distracting
i like the theme of the mod
when talking to the miner, i am bothered by how I, a murderer, is talking. i’m too polite. i would prefer a more intimadating affect. i amost always play the dark brotherhood questline first. i want to be treated as the leader of assassins. it just sees like the theme doesnt match with some of the dialogue.
im crossing my fingers for an enchanted torturer’s hood with double intimidation speech perk enchantment 🙂
whe n talking to the miner, the dialogue text ends to quickly. it disappears after completing that portion of the quest.
quest completion seems lagged.
a bit suprised the ex jarl was in armor but had no weapon. killed her with a woodcutters axd and barely lost any health. i am low level (20 with high enchanting and smithing). a
jarl should be educated in combat etc.
her house was a bit barren. she was a jarl afterall. i would think she would live in more luxary. i dont need more money or stuff tho. but i would expect her to have security. at least a steward or housecarl. a jarl is a big contract even if retired.
i think i saw a typo in the dialoge the guy in jail says when saying he will mark the map location.
some of the dialogue disapeard to quickly when talking to navine.
very powerful weapon she gives you. twice as much dmg than my previous weapon, and even that came from a mod and was powerful early in the game. i wouldnt be running for my life and barely scratching people if i use it, if.
i dont know. the bow was usefull because i am like robinhood, and i needed a new one. but personally, some of the stuff at here place is expensive junk, like the glass mace
and ebony greatsword. arrows would be better for me personally. i think it would go well with the bow. or a unique enchantment is what im looking for. i can just make an awesome
sword and put two enchantments on it, but i cant use the creation kit to make new enchantents 🙁
i liked the mod. i think it has a lot of potential. it feels barren tho. id like to see the updates 🙂
Джо Аберкромби «Лучше подавать холодным»
Лучше подавать холодным
Роман, 2009 год; цикл «Земной Круг»
Язык написания: английский
Перевод на русский: — И. Шаргородская (Лучше подавать холодным) ; 2013 г. — 3 изд.
Чрезвычайно опасная женщина была предана своим нанимателем. Её брат был убит, а сама она искалечена. Она хочет отомстить бывшему хозяину и шести его соучастникам, для чего нанимает группу не слишком надёжных, да и к тому же плохо сочетающихся друг с другом, помощников. Молодого северянина, пытающегося оставить позади прежнюю жизнь, полную насилия и неудач, экс–заключённого (мономаньяка, одержимого магией чисел), совершенно невыносимого мастера среди отравителей с его невозможной ассистенткой, и знаменитейшего (прежде всего, своим переменчивым нравом) кондотьера, готового на подвиг ради одного только глотка спиртного… Очень скоро по следам колоритной группы отправляется самый опасный наёмный убийца во всём Земном Круге.
| лауреат | «Итоги года» от журнала «Мир Фантастики», Итоги 2013 // Книги — Фэнтези года |
Номинации на премии:
Издания на иностранных языках:
Доступность в электронном виде:
Этой книгой моё чтение Аберкромби, наверное, завершилось навсегда.
«Первый закон», пусть и написанный не без недостатков, привлекал эпичным размахом, интригой сюжета, неординарной трактовкой магии, описанием глобальных политических событий на мировой арене, а также не только тёмными (которых хватало), но светлыми (которые тоже имелись) чертами контрастирующих друг с другом характеров главных и второстепенных героев. Увы, «Лучше подавать холодным» лишено всего этого. Книга — сплошное погружение читателя в грязь, грязь и ещё раз грязь. До чтения сего произведения встречал восторженные отклики, мол, Аберкромби превзошёл себя, сделал шаг вперёд после «Первого закона», стал ещё круче — и всё в таком роде. С моей же точки зрения, Аберкромби в этой книге скатился до уровня наслаждающегося всякой мерзопакостной дрянью писаки. Все «герои» — отъявленные вырожденцы, сопереживать из них не хочется никому, поступки их вызывают отвращение, и света в конце туннеля не видно. Такое ощущение, что автору не хватает криминала в жизни. Даю бесплатный совет: сядь в тюрьму — сразу же отобьётся желание романтизировать уголовные сферы жизни. Сюжет в книге простой как палка, напоминает какую-то рядовую компьютерную игру, где нужно перемещаться из локации в локацию и выполнять определённые квесты. Увы, квесты в книге лишены волшебства, высокой цели и идеи, ради которой стоило бы их проходить, а представляют собой лишь набор преступных делишек одних недоносков против других. Я сознательно остановил чтение после трети книги и продолжать читать дальше книгу не хочу. Зачем? Для роста, для души, для познания она ничего не даёт. А мараться смакуемыми чёрными поступками персонажей вовсе не хочется.
Да, товарищ Аберкромби, не зря ты у меня вызвал неприятие как человек, когда я впервые несколько месяцев назад посмотрел твоё интервью. Но тогда я закрыл на это глаза. Теперь ты подтвердил мои худшие опасения насчёт тебя в полной мере, так, что отбил желание знакомиться с чёрным фэнтези вообще. Впрочем, я не рублю с плеча, может, твои коллеги по цеху и не так плохи. Ты же оставайся со своим убеждением в черноте жизни, если хочешь, не понимая, что в мире есть не только тьма, но и свет, пускай и не в той мере, как хотелось бы.
За всё-таки имеющийся прогресс в плане выработки собственного литературного стиля ставлю 5 из 10. Но не больше.
«. ты был не прав, ты всё спалил за час,
и через час большой огонь угас,
но в этот час стало всем теплей. »
Словами этой песни я начал свой отзыв, поскольку именно так складываются мои отношения с творчеством Джо. «Большим огнём» в них был, безусловно, «Первый закон». И именно от него исходило «тепло», которое согревало меня пару-тройку недель. После «Первого закона», к моему величайшему сожалению, остались пусть ещё тлеющие, но всё же угли.
В «Лучше подавать холодным» автор, как и в «Первом законе», предстаёт пред нами мастером создания характеров персонажей. Через их привычки (у кого-то это стремление изменить себя, у кого-то – жажда славы, или просто странная любовь к цифрам, выпивке или жратве), мысли и диалоги читатель получает вполне чёткие их портреты.
В той же степени, автор сходу влетает в анналы Тёмного фэнтези, как мастер увечий и умерщвлений. Тёмные мысли и чувства удаются автору как никому другому. Если персонаж мучается от безобидных желаний бухнУть или курнУть, до более жёстких — смешать с грязью, разорвать и т.п., то ему веришь. И именно это, сомнительное, на мой взгляд, умение автор садит во главу стола и именно эту тему он муссирует и пережёвывает в течение всего повествования.
Любовь в произведении определённо есть, но все её проявления весьма извращены (либо инцест, либо описывание друг друга). В основном здесь присутствуют лишь половые отношения, и те не всегда приятные. Судите Сами как удалось автору «украсить» отношения полОв:
— «…из-под одеяла торчит сильная нога, с черными полукружиями грязи под ногтями…» (из наблюдений Монцы утром после первого акта соития);
— «…Он придвинулся ближе, и она почувствовала тепло его тела, его дыхание на своём лице. В последнее время вымыться удавалось редко, и от Трясучки пованивало. Изрядно, но не так уж противно. Впрочем, от неё и от самой пованивало…». Более того, возможности помыться не представилось ни одному из персонажей. А это уже, согласитесь, не Тёмное фэнтези, это, скорее Грязное или Мерзкое фэнтези. Люди! Я Вас спрашиваю! Кто из Вас готов восхищаться черными полукружиями грязи под ногтями или душком от партнёра? Кроме того, главную героиню рвёт или тошнит чуть ли не через страницу, причём дурно ей бывает от своего любовника, от чистых доспехов регулярных подразделений перед боем, да и хрен её знает от чего ещё, всего не упомнишь.
Немного о сюжете. Начало вышло очень даже замечательным, с наличием преступления, интриги с «ортопедом» и самого простого, а от того и реалистичного первого акта возмездия. Далее следует череда событий разной степени интересности, от стоящих до комичных. Скажу сразу, что главная героиня, в моём видении, не столько безжалостна (как писали многие), сколько глупа (как она умудрилась стать генералом, я так и не понял) и невинные люди гибнут только из-за её неумения руководить, она тупо не сечёт, что выражение «идти на всё ради достижения цели» другие люди могут понимать по-своему. Ход её мести начинается весьма оригинально. По началу, она тщательно скрывает лицо от незнакомцев, при этом, открывает его всем подряд знакомым прохвостам, крича тем самым своим врагам: «Я жива! Встречайте меня!» Венец теории заговора, не правда ли? На что супостаты отвечают ещё большей тупостью. После четвёртого убийства они всё ещё не понимают где же искать эту неуловимую мстительницу.
Вот ещё один пример тупости её врагов:
«Конники длиной цепью двинулись вниз по склону, рассыпались, войдя в пшеничное поле, и, вырвавшись на травянистый луг, перешли на рысь…
… затем рысь сменилась галопом…»
Вы, наверное, подумали, что кавалерия пошла в атаку на пехоту или себе подобных? Ан нет она пошла в атаку на ферму с закрытыми воротами и ставнями. Напоминает войну с ветряными мельницами, не правда ли?
Простота процесса найма киллеров не выдерживает никакой критики. Все знают всех. Лучший отравитель чуть ли не вывеску на доме повесил: «Лучший кофе на дороге, отхлебнёшь, протянешь ноги!». Кастинг артистов-киллеров вообще оборжёшься: «…проходите. Что вы умеете? Спасибо! Вы нам подходите!». Необычная, согласитесь, тенденция поднимать на поверхность то, что должно быть скрыто от людских глаз.
Как я уже упоминал, характеры, размышления и общение персонажей получаются у автора чудесно, но когда дело доходит до экшена, тут хоть стой, хоть падай. Ну зачем заставлять старика с полной торбой бутылочек и девушку, которая постоянно жрёт, лазить по верёвке. Автор, наверное, никогда не видел постоянно жрущих девушек. И если она у него всё же миниатюрная, то учитывая «грязность» данного фэнтези, страшно представить из-за чего…
Касаемо юмора. Откровенно говоря, он стал пожиже. И порой скатывается в мультяшнось. Например, Трясучка, переживший кучу сражений и шарахающийся от ножниц, способен рассмешить только совсем юного зрителя.
А вот чего много в произведении, так это роялей. Ими автор зарядил повествование как бухту яхтами. Они просматриваются слишком явно начиная бронзовым мечом воителя, продолжая своевременным появление друзей и короны в нужном месте, оканчивая личностью загадочного Шенкта с полными правами джокера в нескончаемой колоде убийц.
— «милосердие и трусость – одно и тоже. Никто не выдаёт наград за хорошее поведение. Хочешь что-то – так бери это. И тот человек велик, кто нахватал больше всех…»;
— «храбрость – добродетель мертвецов»;
— «никогда не вступай в бой сам, если есть желающие вступить в него за тебя».
Печально, наверное, было бы жить в таком Мире. Хотя, кто знает, может именно в нём Мы и живём…
Поскольку Джо является безусловным мастером персонажей (к сожалению, большинство из них темнее ночи) хотелось бы всё-таки одного выделить особо. И Это Никомо Коска. Мерзкий и гадкий проныра, алкаш, но столько, блин, в нём обаяния. И месть свою вершил куда успешнее главной героини. Вот он — главный конкурент Глокты на пьедестале. Ничего не скажешь — изюминка произведения.
В завершение, приведу отрывки из особо запомнившихся рецензий:
— «В этой книге есть все, что я люблю в фэнтези — много сражений, псевдосредневековой атрибутики, жестокости и насилия». (Для полноты картины следовало бы добавить: «а ещё, на завтрак я ем маленьких детей»).
— «Но вот что получилось лучше всего, так это битвы, баталии, осады, в общем все, где есть кровь и побольше отрубленных конечностей». (Суровая кровожадность).
— «Стоит ли читать эту книгу? Обязательно! Ведь после прочтения она ещё долго будет давить на вас своим тяжёлым осадком, осев где-то в глубине души». (Сомнительное удовольствие от тяжёлого осадка на душе).
Люди! Что это? Чёрный юмор? Тогда я с Вами. Или нет? Тогда Мир явно сошёл с ума и катится в Трясучкину немытую задницу…
Очень тяжелая книга, очень мрачная, очень жесткая.
Основные постулаты Аберкромби остаются те же: хороших людей нет и никто не получает то чего заслуживает.
Мне очень понравилась трилогия «Первый закон» — прекрасное развлекательное фэнтези, с интересными персонажами, кровавыми битвами и главное написанное с иронией и перетряхиванием всех штампов жанра.
Если вы думали, что «Best Served Cold» написана по другим лекалам, то вы ошибались: персонажи еще интереснее и неоднозначнее (хотя никого из них не назвать хорошим человеком), в битвах проливается еще больше крови, ирония сохранилась, а жанр из которго взяты штампы для перетряхивания — криминальная история о предательстве и мести.
Можете забыть на время про величественный Союз, суровый север и разрушенную Старую Империю — место действия теперь Стирия — проекция средневековой Италии (если у вас есть какие-то сомнения на этот счет, просто подумайте — где еще замок может называться Фонтезармо) в фэнтезийный мир.
Вы были удивлены насколько мало честных людей живет в Союзе? Зря, ведь в Стирии их нет совсем, и уж конечно их нет среди наших героев.
* Монцкарро Муркатто (можно просто Монца, но я не рискнул бы ее так называть, если вы не близко знакомы) — Каприльский Мясник, Талинская Змея,
капитан-генерал компании наемников Тысяча Мечей, ближайшее доверенное лицо герцога Орсо и просто очень опасная женщина.
*Кол Шиверс — всем нам известный воин с Севера, изо всех сил старающийся стать лучшим человеком, чем был. Насколько у него это получается, можете догадаться сами.
*Френдли — опасный социопат, большую часть жизни проведший в тюрьме, сошедеший там с ума и одержимый с тех пор числами. Так же очень хороший друг и один из трех людей, в этой книге которых я могу назвать, если не хорошими, то хотя бы симпатичными.
*Никомо Коска — знаменитый наемник, чьи дни славы, к сожалению уже в прошлом. На момент действия книги — нищий пьяница (к счастью для него, людям свойственно меняться), второй приятный человек в этой книге.
*Кастор Морвеер — величайший отравитель своего времени и очень изысканный человек. К сожалению (для него) очень заносчив и самоуверен.
*Дэй — ученица Морвеера, способная молодая девушка, которая очень любит поесть (даже во время работы).
*Шайло Витари — бывшая сотрудница Инквизиции, умелый дознаватель. Также любящая мать (не стоит угрожать ее детям).
*Шенкт — бывший ученик Темного Властелина (не делайте удивленные лица, если вы дочитали трилогию, то знаете о ком я), едок и как следует из этого более чем умелый убийца. Также ближе всего к понятию «хороший человек» в этой книге.
И вот эти яркие персонажи будут ненавидеть и любить друг друга, становиться друзьями, предавать, убивать, менять свое мировозрение (особенно ярко это происходит с Шиверсом) и, самое главное помогать Монце в ее поисках мести.
Месть — сладкое слово, вот только оно не заполняет пустоту внутри, что и предстоит узнать Монце. Она подверглась предательству со стороны человека которому она доверяла больше всего и это привело к гибели ее брата и серьезным ранениям (внешним и внутренним) ее самой.
Она намерена отомстить и она отомстит.
Эта книга рекомендована для всех фанатов циничного и ироничного темного фэнтези — в своем поджанре, это — жемчужина.
Не рекомендуется, тем кто не может выносить реалистичные описания битв и героев-подонков.
После мощнейшего «Первого закона» совершенно не ожидал от Аберкромби такой бестолковой книжки.
Начинается она как авантюрный роман, ну просто классика revenge story, героя (в данном случае, героиню) подставляют бандиты, убивают кого-то из близких, сам герой чудом выживает и дает клятву любой целой выследить и замочить всех ублюдков, отомстить за любимых, все такое. Чистый Kill Bill, короче говоря.
Проблема только в том, что в данном случае романтическая героиня — сама ровно из тех же бандитов, с которыми она так самоотверженно борется. Первые пару глав автор ещё пытается делать вид, что она чем-то лучше своих обидчиков, потом даже делать вид перестает. Роман в итоге превращается в мини-сериал, где каждая серия имеет одну и ту же структуру «героиня и нанятая ей банда отморозков-маньяков ловят и жестоко убивают очередного противника по списку, не считаясь с жертвами среди мирного населения». В списке Монзы семь имён, соответственно, книга состоит из семи глав. Аберкромби изо всех сил старается разнообразить описываемые ситуации, но всё равно главе к третьей читать становится невыносимо скучно, потому что отчётливо понимаешь — впереди ещё двести страниц подробного описания, как одни отморозки режут-жгут-взрывают-стреляют-душат-топят других отморозков и случайных прохожих, и больше НИЧЕГО.
Впрочем, Аберкромби есть Аберкромби — роман написан отличным языком, характеры яркие, диалоги резкие, социальной сатиры — через край. Но если в «Первом законе» персонажи достаточно гармонично сочетали позитивные и отталкивающие черты, то тут — натурально парад уродов, к которым отношение только одно, «ещё одного главного героя убили? ну и хрен с ним». Увы, избыток «чернухи» сделал книгу практически нечитаемой.
«Лучше подавать холодным» – первый самостоятельный роман из цикла Джо Аберкромби «Земной круг». По хронологии он стоит на четвёртом месте, но назвать его продолжением «Первого закона» нельзя. Действие происходит в том же самом мире спустя несколько лет после окончания «Последнего довода королей», периодически на второстепенных ролях появляются персонажи из первой трилогии, но это совершенно другая история. Для её понимания не обязательно читать «Первый закон», но для тех, кто всё же прочел, отдельным бонусом станут намеки и отсылки.
Действие романа происходит в раздробленной войной стране Стирии, где каждый вельможа хочет стать королём, уничтожив прочих конкурентов. Главная героиня, Монцкарро Меркатто или просто Монца, возглавляет отряд наёмников под названием «Тысяча мечей». Последние годы она находится на службе у великого герцога Орсо Талинского. Наниматель умело использует немалые воинские таланты Монцы для методичного уничтожения своих врагов. Проблема в том, что народ Талина излишне полюбил удачливую наёмницу и её брата Бенну, а будущему королю Стирии совсем не нужны конкуренты. Поэтому, когда победа Орсо уже кажется неминуемой, он принимает решение избавиться от брата и сестры Меркатто. Если с Бенной всё проходит без проблем, то Монца выживает и решает мстить. Она покалечена, но не сломлена. Семеро человек участвовали в заговоре, и эти семеро должны умереть.
Чаще всего в романах о мести перед героями встаёт вопрос: «Совершить месть или простить и жить дальше?». Для Монцы ответ однозначен – в её мировоззрении прощение приравнивается к слабости. Она прекрасно понимает, что месть не вернёт ей брата. Для неё убийство Орсо – это своего рода этап, знаменующий новую жизнь. Им двоим не место на этом свете – остаться должен только один. Путь Монцы к отмщению будет тернистым, наполненным болью и кровью, но такова цена.
Итог: На мой взгляд, роман не уступает по качеству «Первому закону». Да, размах событий тут меньше, но все свои основные фишки Аберкромби здесь сохраняет. Динамика сюжета высокая, повествование не провисает совсем. Фэнтезийной составляющей тут меньше, и выражена она лишь в присутствии пары едоков. В романе Аберкромби отошёл от эпичности в сторону авантюрно-плутовской литературы, что стало довольно удачным экспериментом. Расширение географии «Земного круга» также является для меня весомым плюсом. Можно порекомендовать роман для начала знакомства с творчеством Джо Аберкромби.
А теперь о том, что я говорил в самом начале. Лично для меня, как для читавшего «Первый закон», роман показался во многом вторичным. Персонажи получились разномастными, да, но ведь мы всё это уже видели? Монца — Ферро, Трясучка — Логен, Коска — Коска. Причём северяне настолько друг на друга похожи, и ходом мыслей, и проблемами, что порой забываешь, про кого из них читаешь в данный момент.
В этом романе много вещей, к которым можно прибавить слово слишком. Слишком много крови, слишком много грязи, слишком много предательств, слишком много мести и т.д. Чернуха ради чернухи. Мне понравилась трилогия «Первый закон». Да, там тоже были и убийства, и предательства, но все было в меру. Персонажи были интересными и РАЗНЫМИ. А главное сюжет был увлекательным. Здесь же ни того, ни другого. Да, поначалу персонажи, да и сам сюжет, вызывали интерес, но потом от этой мести и предательств в квадрате стало тошнить. Ни одного положительного персонажа, как будто весь Земной круг состоит из одних подлецов и убийц. Нет, если автор за реалистичность и натуралистичность, то он должен знать, что в реальности живут и неплохие люди, даже в высших кругах.
За кого мне надо было сопереживать? По идее за главную героиню Монцкарро, так как ее предали друзья и убили брата. Хорошо, я бы сопереживал ей не будь она сама в разы хуже, чем ее обидчики. Главный герой романа не вызывает абсолютно никаких симпатий, так почему же она должна мне нравится? Так же и с остальными героями. В «Первом Законе» было много героев, которые являлись отдельными и самодостаточными персонажами, за каждым было интересно наблюдать. Здесь же, как будто был проработан один персонаж, а потом по образу и подобию созданы остальные.
Действие происходит в 6-7 разных городах. Но никакого масштаба я не увидел. Проработанность мира как и в трилогии, так и здесь отсутствует.
Я читал эту книгу 2 раза. Сначала в фанатском переводе. Мне она категорически не понравилась. Подумал может официальный перевод сгладит неровности, но большого эффекта не возымело.
ИТОГ: сильно уступает трилогии. Читать только ярым фанатам.
Первый из отдельных романов автора, после трилогии «Первый Закон» о Земном Круге. И вот «Лучше подавать холодным» понравился мне гораздо больше начальной трилогии. Видимо, книге пошли на пользу ограниченный объём, плотность повествования и композиционная завершённость, да и сам писатель развил навык и стиль.
Потеряв буквально всё, приходится начинать с нуля: выживать, зализывать раны, затем набирать компанию отчаянных авантюристов, готовых бросить вызов могущественным людям (в чёрный список мстительницы попали целые банкиры и владетельные аристократы, владыки южных городов-государств и стирийские военачальники). Месть, кроме того, что сладкая и холодная, штука ещё и дорогостоящая. Для этого нужны деньги, связи и, не в последнюю очередь, подходящие люди.
Компашка подобралась ещё та: психически нестабильные головорезы, отравители, бывшие дознаватели-инквизиторы и потрёпанные жизнью бывшие командиры наёмников. Причём читателя ждёт встреча с несколькими персонажами из первой трилогии: северянин Кол Трясучка из отряда Логена Девятипалого, бравый капитан наёмников Никомо Коска и рыжеволосая инквизитор Шайло Витари на значительных ролях, а в эпизодах передают привет гуркские мистики и аж сам король Союза!
Сеттинг замечателен: солнечная Стирия с её городами и замками, портовыми доками и утончёнными скульптурами напоминает Италию эпохи Возрождения. Да и сам сюжет наверняка приглянется любителям сериалов о Борджиа, Медичи или да Винчи, например.
Герои переживают сломы характера и перерождаются, некоторые — по нескольку раз. Следить за этим интересно. Почти так же интересно, как за процессом отмщения каждому обидчику, по списку. Из-за того, что каждый из них находится в своей локации, героям предстоит выполнить несколько миссий по устранению целей, что напоминает компьютерную игру, ну или реальную работу средневековых тайных служб.
Финал — пусть не счастливый, но где-то всё-таки справедливый и дарящий надежду. Что-то подсказывает, что с персонажами «Лучше подавать холодным» мы ещё встретимся в новых книгах Аберкромби.
В целом же это красивая, хоть и тёмная, история о мести, превозмогании и возрождении из пепла, с отсылками к земной истории, неплохо прописанными боевыми сценами и уже фирменным чёрным юмором Джо Аберкромби.
Эх, хорошо, что не раскошелился. Далеко не та книга, которую буду перечитывать. Более того, последнюю треть я и вовсе пролистал-чисто по диалогам. А уж оставлять в коллекции и подавно. Разочаровывает Джо.
Ну и главный посыл.
Продолжаю перечитывание Аберкромби и написание отзывов с точки зрения уже далеко не первого знакомства с историей. И теперь пришел черёд его одиночных романов. Хотя одиночные они, конечно, весьма условно, так как мир тот же, много знакомых героев и отсылок к ним, а в глобальном плане перед нами очередной виток политического и военного противостояния уже известных сил. Разве что место действия другое, да и новых ярких персонажей тоже хватает.
Начну с банального — это история о мести. Крайне динамичная история, от чего она только выигрывает. Все более остро, концентрированно, кроваво, со множеством неожиданных сюжетных поворотов. И со столь удающимися автору неоднозначными персонажами. Здесь определенно нет положительных героев. Но заслуга автора в том, что в его героях полно и хороших, и плохих черт, и стремительный сюжет предоставит множество поводов их продемонстрировать.
Соответственно и путь у героев у каждого свой, позволяющий раскрыться их образу с неожиданных сторон. С этой точки зрения мне особенно интересны изменения в мироощущении и принятии себя у Трясучки и Монцы. Два ярких персонажа, прошедшие зеркально противоположными путями. Неудавшийся оптимист, переставший пытаться стать лучше, чем он есть на самом деле. И женщина, прекратившая прятаться за злыми и циничными словами, помогавшими ей примиряться с содеянным.
Что ещё. Фирменный мрачноватый юмор, убийства, военные действия и стремительно меняющийся политический расклад на территории погруженных в войну герцогств. Финал традиционный для автора — дающий героям не совсем то, чего они могли бы ожидать, но не лишенный и хороших итогов.
посредственная книга, аберкромби начитался настоящих писателей фэнтези и решил свои книги написать, вышло отвратительно, давно я такой убогой подачи и сюжета не видел, если первый закон еще можно ка то читать, то с этой книги начинается треш, даже наши писатели пишушие дичь и то сюжеты и героев лучше придумывают, и да, это не темное фэнтези, тут нет ничего от темного фэнтези, это обычный фанфик любительский, пародия
Вот уж не думал, что желание попробовать блюдо, которое Лучше Подавать Холодным, заведет меня так далеко. Я уже триста раз пожалел о своих намерениях и точно повернул бы назад, но пара-тройка старых знакомых, возникающих в моем окружении, заставляют меня идти намеченным курсом.
Меня опечалил тот факт, что почти вся моя нынешняя компания – это всякий сброд, который в обычное время любой нормальный человек не то что в гости не пригласит, но с которым даже за одним столом есть не станет. Я понимаю, что все мы не без греха, и прежние мои товарищи тоже были не сплошь благородные джентльмены, однако нынче мне что-то совсем не повезло. Только представь, с кем я общаюсь: дикая, одержимая местью баба, которую искалечили и изуродовали, но она подозрительно быстро излечилась (да так, что все встречные мужики считают ее привлекательной), варвар-северянин, воевавший как с Логеном, так и против него в свое время, отравитель и его помощница, которая вечно что-то жрет, убийца с погонялом Дружелюбный, помешанный на числах, наемник-алконавт и бывшая инквизиторша с тремя детьми. Расскажи кому – не поверят. А скорее всего, еще и на смех поднимут.
В целом, я не уверен, что хочу продолжать гостить в этом месте и понимаю, что каждый последующий день может оказаться для меня последним днем здесь. В конце концов, блюдо, которое, по твоим словам, Лучше Подавать Холодным, получилось довольно жидким и я бы его все-таки подогрел. Ну да ладно.
Давай так, я взгляну на еще одно Дурацкое Задание, и если все будет совсем плохо, то сматываю удочки? Ну а если я внезапно проникнусь всем происходящим, то пойду записываться в местные Герои. Куда деваться.
Твой добрый друг, Deliann.
Зла не существует, как и добра, все зачастую зависит от той стороны на которой ты находишься!
И снова здравствуйте! Как оказалось, дело отнюдь не легкое и не простое чтобы собрать в одно целое все полученные впечатления на понравившуюся мне книгу и в дальнейшем постараться их изложить на тексте, не потеряв при этом итоговые мысли потому как я в основном привык оставлять комментарии только на те работы, к которым у меня при чтении появилась претензия и чаще всего она не одна. Что ж видимо таков мой путь раз меня зачастую окружают сплошь неугодные мне книги, которых хочется критиковать без всякой устали. Но, а тут случай выдался особый, знаменательный так сказать поэтому продолжу согласно сложившейся традиции и дам совет, что читать сей роман нужно строго по хронологическому порядку потому как без знакомства с предшествующей трилогией возникнет недопонимание в используемых именах и произошедших событиях, которые не будут упомянуты каким-то флешбэком, что вызовет некий ступор и не понимание некоторых обстоятельств целиком.
Лучше подавать холодным не какое-то там романтическое или ироничное баловство на фоне не замысловатой сатиры это по силе своей самый беспощадный и брутальный спин-офф в жанре фэнтези сбалансированно сочетающий в себе шикарные диалоги, запоминающийся черный юмор, сюжет и идеальное соотношение качественно переведенного текста способного держать в напряжение от первых до последних страниц и сохранять на всем протяжении все тот же выработанный изначальный интерес.
В этой вне цикловой «сказке для взрослых» персонажи второго плана сделали в своем роде некоторое открытие и вышли на первый чем ярко и насыщенно украсили собой произведение напрочь лишив его якорных сцен. Ведь им абсолютно не требуется какое-то развитие, они и так абсолютно сформированы и тем более как мы уже видим безукоризненно дополняют друг друга, отыгрывая ключевые моменты. Да, для кого-то может статься что им не хватает глубины и завершенности, а может и благородства ну тогда вам потребуется как можно скорее завершить чтение, потому как речь здесь пойдет о людях, напрочь лишенных если и глубин, то только социальных. Это история не совсем про сплоченную команду что ни на есть самых настоящих и очень востребованных ублюдков Земного круга между прочим, подчистую лишенных таких простых вещей как сострадание и милосердие, их объединяет только конечная цель и пьянящее чувство скорейшей наживы. А вот помимо героев самый ощутимый и впечатлительный козырь этого романа хорошо поданная месть и предательство, которые стремительно поджидают тебя на каждой книжной странице открывая тем самым новые сюжетные ходы и повороты. Советую при чтении быть трижды внимательней, подсказки порой ожидают там, где их не ждешь.
А в заключение хочется буквально несколькими словами, но скорее всего выйдет несколькими строками, а то и предложениями упомянуть что Аберкромби несмотря на череду многих особенностей и обстоятельств чертов литературный гений. Да я уже видел и даже читал многие распыляющие отзывы тех, кто второпях взялся за его книги и успел обжечься потому как вы это сделали на свой страх и риск ведь за него надо браться исключительно подготовленным. Работы Джо не какое-то там лайтовое чтиво под которое можно провести несколько минут сидя на унитазе. Его творчество как крепкий напиток для вдумчивого и требовательного читателя, а раз уж как напиток, да еще и крепкий то к нему не нужно прикасаться, если присутствуют сомнения.
Пишу этот отзыв, потому что подобного не нашел и не прочел, когда размышлял,стоит ли читать эту книгу после блистательной трилогии «Первый Закон». Спойлер: не стоит. Спойлер №2: стоит.
Чтобы донести свою точку зрения, начну так: «Первый Закон» — круто. Причем он великолепен и как цикл — сумма романов в нем, так и каждым из романов, составляющих эту сумму. Ну да, раз Вы это читаете, наверно, мнения у нас тут плюс минус сходятся.
Почему «Лучше подавать холодным» плох? Первое, и главное: это не «Кровь и железо», не «Прежде чем их повесят», не «Последний довод королей». Не как сумма, не как частности. Тут нет долгоиграющих крючков,
Почему «Лучше подавать холодным» хорош? Потому что, хоть и негласно, это — начало новой трилогии, рассказывающей о происходящих в мире событиях, которые приведут к следующей, уже гласной, трилогии. И, на мой вкус, чем дальше, тем лучше — говоря об этой, негласной, трилогии.
Этот отзыв я пишу по прочтении всех на данный момент вышедших книг. Резюмируя, отчасти ретроспективно, могу сказать следующее: «Лучше подавать холодным» — самая слабая из всех шести книг, субъективно. Тем не менее, оцениваю я ее высоко. Вторая «трилогия» — повторюсь, ей фактически не являющееся — слабее первой, которая трилогией является. Как я писал выше, мне подобного отзыва не хватало, потому что, как прожженный читатель, я понимал, что после книги — или нескольких книг крутых — обязательно последует не такая крутая. И вопрос был в том, насколько она не такая крутая. Настолько.
«Лучше подавать холодным» — хуже первых трех книг во всем. Но это все еще неплохая книга. И это — путь к следующим, более крепким книгам. И к новой, на момент написания отзыва, неопубликованной трилогии.
Я не советую читать «Лучше подавать холодным» читателям, которые не хотят разочаровываться в таланте Аберкромби, ведь первые три книги были великолепны. Я разочаровался.
Я советую читать «Лучше подавать холодным» тем, кто не хочет покидать мир «Земного Круга» и желает продолжать следить за поворотами истории, которая так правдоподобна — я не пожалел.
Best Served Cold Artwork
November 15th, 2008
Take THAT. Pretty much the final cover for the UK edition of Best Served Cold. I should point out it’s a hardcover release, though, and you really need to see the whole wraparound, which looks like this:
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Click on it to see it in all its glorious detail. Go on. Click on it. You know you want to. Even that’s a long way from doing it full justice, though, I have to say. The final version will have the title and the edges of the author-name foiled, probably in chilly gun-metal grey, then the sword and coins embossed and the text debossed. Plus it will be printed on that textured paper for which my previous books have won most of their acclaim. You really have to see it wrapped round a book to get the full effect. You have to handle it, stroke it, caress it, lick it. Well, not the last one, necessarily, that’s just something I like to do.
And that’s not even a proof cover, it’s just a good printout. The book isn’t actually Best Served Cold, in case you’re wondering. It’s Julia Gregson’s East of the Sun. Long story. Anyway, it’s designed to be of a piece with the new covers for the mass-market editions of the trilogy, that they may all beckon to prospective readers from the shelf, together.
In case you’re wondering, I fricking love it. I feel that it expands on the tone set by the previous covers, and establishes something of a unique identity for the books as a whole – a brand, even – which has got to be a good thing. It communicates a lot about the feel and the content – and a real sense of action and violence – without straying into the difficult ground of literal cover art. It manages to be classy and pulpy at once. I think overall the covers achieve the extremely difficult trick of being entirely un-generic, striking, and standing out from the crowd of fantasy artwork while at the same time not seeming to be deliberately NOT FANTASY. I think that’s what fantasy covers need to try and achieve, these days, ideally – to not alienate the hardcore fantasy fan while still appealing to the more occasional reader.
It involves the work of no less than six people. Original concept from Simon Spanton (I believe), expanded upon by my editor Gillian Redfearn, who then put the brief together and assembled the team to carry it out (kind of like the A-Team, but with more artistic accumen and less mercy), and co-ordinated the project. The sword was painted by weapons expert Didier Graffet, the map was drawn by map-master Dave Senior, adapting my own scrawl, then the whole was combined and made to live by designer Laura Brett (also responsible for the First Law covers), who added the spatter, coins, parchmenty effects, and lettering. At various stages a pedantic asswipe interposed himself and made everyone’s lives a misery. I won’t say who, but there’s a clue on the cover itself…
The sharp-eyed among you may have noticed that it features a map quite prominently. But Joe! I hear you cry. Aren’t you the anti-map guy? Is there a whiff of hypocrisy about this blog today? Well, maybe. I’ve always had a foot in both camps on this issue, and with a tighter and more defined setting for this book it seemed to make sense. Plus I don’t hate maps, I just hate rubbish maps, and this time around there was the opportunity to make sure it was done right, both factually accurate and with some artistic flair. But more discussion of this later, maybe, because for those who give a toss, next week will be Best Served Cold artwork week, in which I will discuss the evolution of cover from twinkle in publisher’s eye to fully-realised proof in exhaustive detail…
Posted in announcements, artwork, news, process by Joe Abercrombie on November 15th, 2008.
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45 comments
punctuation is distracting
i like the theme of the mod
when talking to the miner, i am bothered by how I, a murderer, is talking. i’m too polite. i would prefer a more intimadating affect. i amost always play the dark brotherhood questline first. i want to be treated as the leader of assassins. it just sees like the theme doesnt match with some of the dialogue.
im crossing my fingers for an enchanted torturer’s hood with double intimidation speech perk enchantment 🙂
whe n talking to the miner, the dialogue text ends to quickly. it disappears after completing that portion of the quest.
quest completion seems lagged.
a bit suprised the ex jarl was in armor but had no weapon. killed her with a woodcutters axd and barely lost any health. i am low level (20 with high enchanting and smithing). a
jarl should be educated in combat etc.
her house was a bit barren. she was a jarl afterall. i would think she would live in more luxary. i dont need more money or stuff tho. but i would expect her to have security. at least a steward or housecarl. a jarl is a big contract even if retired.
i think i saw a typo in the dialoge the guy in jail says when saying he will mark the map location.
some of the dialogue disapeard to quickly when talking to navine.
very powerful weapon she gives you. twice as much dmg than my previous weapon, and even that came from a mod and was powerful early in the game. i wouldnt be running for my life and barely scratching people if i use it, if.
i dont know. the bow was usefull because i am like robinhood, and i needed a new one. but personally, some of the stuff at here place is expensive junk, like the glass mace
and ebony greatsword. arrows would be better for me personally. i think it would go well with the bow. or a unique enchantment is what im looking for. i can just make an awesome
sword and put two enchantments on it, but i cant use the creation kit to make new enchantents 🙁
i liked the mod. i think it has a lot of potential. it feels barren tho. id like to see the updates 🙂
Quest:Best Served Cold
Contents
Bestowal dialogue
‘That Wéthorm has been having a bit of fun at my expense, if you ask me! Well, we will have some sport as well and see how he likes it!’
Background
Indor has decided to reciprocate Wéthorm’s bad humour with an ill joke of his own.
Objective 1
Crawlers can be found all throughout Tâl Bruinen.
Indor has asked you to collect several pieces from the crawlers of Tâl Bruinen so he can have his revenge upon the dwarf who played a trick on him.
Objective 2
Indor is at the campfire at Echad Candelleth, in Tâl Bruinen.
You have collected the crawler bits for which Indor asked and should now bring them to him, so he can add them to the stew he is preparing.
Objective 3
The grinding stone is near the campfire at Echad Candelleth.
Indor has asked you to grind the various crawler bits you recovered into mush on a nearby grinding stone.
Indor says, «Grind them up right over there, like before.» You grind crawler bits into mush
Objective 4
Indor is at the campfire at Echad Candelleth, in Tâl Bruinen.
You have ground the crawler pieces you collected into mush and should now bring the mush to Indor so he can add it to the stew.
Objective 5
Wéthorm is at Thorenhad, in the Bruinen Gorges of the Trollshaws, north of the bear-dens.
Indor has sent you to Wéthorm with his toad stew, and has asked you to play close attention to the dwarf’s reaction to his first bite. Indor wishes to savour his revenge on the dwarf who tricked him into tasting the unpleasant toad stew.
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This update extends the original quest line of «Best Served Cold». Adding two possible followers, a new temple to explore, new weapons, and bug fixes.
Old files
Best Served Cold 1.2
The torturer in Markarth is tasked with finding a killer. But he comes to you for help as he cannot seem to find the mysterious murderer. You agree to help him and during your investigation, you uncover the dark past of the vengeful killer and must decide to forgive or not forgive. IMPORTANT: Please turn subtitles on as there is no voice acting.
Best Served Cold 1.3
The torturer in Markarth is tasked with finding a killer. But he comes to you for help as he cannot seem to find the mysterious murderer. You agree to help him and during your investigation, you uncover the dark past of the vengeful killer and must decide to forgive or not forgive. IMPORTANT: Please turn subtitles on as there is no voice acting.
Best Served Cold 1.4
The torturer in Markarth is tasked with finding a killer. But he comes to you for help as he cannot seem to find the mysterious murderer. You agree to help him and during your investigation, you uncover the dark past of the vengeful killer and must decide to forgive or not forgive. IMPORTANT: Please turn subtitles on as there is no voice acting.
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Джо Аберкромби — Best Served Cold
Монца Муркатто вполне могла утверждать, что ее жизнь удалась. Из дочки простого фермера девушка превратилась в лидера «Тысячи клинков», самой известной бригады наемников во всей Стирии. У нее есть любящий и любимый брат Бенна, ее обожают простые жители, даже слишком обожают, если спросить, например герцога Орсо, нанимателя «Тысячи клинков». Опасаясь, что Монца может покуситься на его трон, Орсо решает избавиться от неудобных Муркатто. К несчастью для него, на тот свет отправляется только Бенна. Теперь в жизни Монцы есть только одна цель — отомстить семерым людям, участвовавшим в убийстве ее брата. Девушка будет идти от жертвы к жертве, не останавливаясь ни перед какими преградами, трудностями и жертвами. Орсо последний в ее списке, и у него будет достаточно времени, чтобы пожалеть о неудачном покушении, ведь месть — это блюдо, которое лучше подавать холодным.
Если после прочтения трилогии «Первый закон» у кого-то еще оставались сомнения в том, что Джо Аберкромби пишет dark fantasy, то «Best Served Cold» способна переубедить даже самого отъявленного скептика. Среди действующих лиц романа очень сложно найти хотя бы одного персонажа, которого можно было бы назвать безусловно положительным. Главной героиней движет исключительно месть, Монца не заботится ни о чем другом и не жалеет ни своей, ни чужих жизней на пути к осуществлению своей цели. Ей даже в голову не приходит мысль о том, чтобы начать жизнь заново, оставив прошлое позади.
Для осуществления мести Монце нужны помощники, и она набирает команду самых беспринципных мерзавцев, какие еще остались без работы в Стирии. В их число входят как знакомые нам люди, так и совсем новые лица. Итак, знакомьтесь: бывший практик, а ныне мать-одиночка, Шейло Витари; экс-лидер «Тысячи мячей», в прошлом прославленный наемник, а теперь опустившийся, но все такой же жутко обаятельный и харизматичный пьяница без гроша в кармане Никомо Коска; помешанный на числах и счете каторжник Дружелюбный; мастер-отравитель Морвир, его веселая и прожорливая ученица Дэй и другой наш старый знакомый, Трясучка. Он, пожалуй, единственный, кто выделяется из списка, поскольку переехал в Стирию, чтобы начать жизнь заново и стать лучше. К сожалению, он выбрал для начала новой жизни не ту страну. Наивные мечты северянина обращаются в прах вскоре после того, как он сходит с трапа корабля. Оказывается, человеку, всю свою сознательную жизнь сражавшемуся в различных войнах, битвах, засадах и прочих разборках, очень сложно найти занятие, где не нужно проламывать кому-нибудь череп. В итоге, единственным нанимателем Трясучки оказывается Монца, и парень вынужден вернуться к тому самому ремеслу, от которого он пытался уйти — к убийствам. И вскоре, под влиянием окружения и обстоятельств, Трясучка начинает понимать, что, пожалуй, убийства — это единственное, что у него хорошо получается и нет смысла менять профессию.
Впрочем, негативные изменения, происходящие с Трясучкой, не должны удивлять давних поклонников автора — Джо явно довольно скептически относится к человеческой расе. Он любит проходиться по негативным сторонам человеческой психологии, культуры, структуры общества, затрагивать многие актуальные и в нашем мире социально-политические вопросы и давать многим сторонам человеческой жизни нелестную оценку. При этом Джо уделяет много времени персонажам, раскрытию новых черт и развитию характеров действующих лиц, и какими бы плохими не становились герои, их эволюция не выглядит надуманной. Земной круг — очень тяжелый и неуютный мир, и наивным оптимистам приходится либо подстраиваться под жесткие и жестокие условия, либо сходить с дистанции. Но в то же время, как бы персонажи не старались доказать обратное, подставляя, предавая и изменяя своим товарищам, Аберкромби призывает не терять надежду, показывая, что даже под самой жестокой маской могут скрываться милосердие, доброта или, по крайней мере, преданность своим близким.
Как и в «Первом законе», в новой книге Джо в очередной раз изрядно потоптался по жанровым клише, неоднократно обманывая ожидания читателей неожиданными сюжетными поворотами. Событий с «двойным», а то и «тройным» дном в книге столько, что челюсть порой не успевает занять свое место прежде, чем снова падать от удивления. К тому же роман не ограничивается одной сюжетной линией. Книга разбита на семь частей, по числу имен в списке Монцы, и первые несколько частей действительно посвящены исключительно очередной изощренной схеме отправки нового врага на тот свет. Но, начиная с четвертой части, действие набирает обороты, масштаб событий неуклонно возрастает, в поле зрения читателей появляются новые игроки, раскрываются ранее неизвестные подробности, и в итоге банальная история мести превращается в смесь геополитического триллера с военной драмой.
А слова Байяза, произнесенные в конце «Последнего довода королей», начинают воплощаться в жизнь — и Союз, и Пророк полагаются теперь не на магию, а на более приземленные средства — обширные резервы банка «Валинт и Балк» и не менее огромные запасы золота в горах Гуркхула. Более того, Байяз и Кхалюль не только сражаются друг с другом напрямую, но и выбирают своих ставленников во всех возможных конфликтах, вспыхивающих в Земном круге. Их поведение очень напоминает действия лидеров СССР и США в годы Холодной войны.
События книги происходит в новом для поклонников «Первого закона» месте — Стирии. И нужно отметить, что остров просто идеально подходит под историю, которую рассказывает Джо. Стирия очень похожа на Италию времен Ренессанса, с городами-государствами, кровавыми междоусобицами, многочисленными предательствами, сведениями счетов, отравителями, фокусниками, борделями, интригами и всем прочим. Причем Аберкромби очень творчески подошел к созданию стирийских городов — здесь нет двух одинаковых, и каждый город способен похвастаться собственными красотами. Строгие здания Веспорта, туманы Сипани, башни Виссерина и практически неприступный замок Фонтезармо будут еще долго вспоминаться даже после того, как перевернута последняя страница книги.
| Стирия как она есть |
В «BSC» Джо много делает для развития своего мира — он добавляет в повествование детали о выдающихся личностях прошлого, полководцах, рассказывает о религиях народов Земного Круга, о политике и жизни правящего класса, о нравах общества и отдельных его представителей, а также о том, что произошло в мире после окончания «Последнего довода королей». Союз погряз в бесконечных войнах на Севере, Черный Доу все еще сидит на королевском троне, в самом Союзе неспокойно, но королева Тереза не прекращает радовать своего мужа новыми детьми, а Глокта крепко держит реальную власть в своих руках.
Ну а для полного счастья в новой книге можно встретить едва ли не половину выживших персонажей из «Первого закона». Помимо уже упомянутых Витари, Коски, Трясучки и герцога Орсо в романе появляются Карлотта дан Эйдер, Йору Сульфур, банкир Мофис и даже Его Величество король Союза Джезаль Первый собственной персоной. Ну а тех героев, у которых не получилось лично засветиться в новой книге, постоянно поминают добрым или не очень словом.
Кстати, о словах, Джо виртуозно владеет английским языком, и читать его романы в оригинале — сплошное удовольствие, пусть даже текст воспринимается сложнее, чем у большинства других авторов, с творчеством которых я знакомился на языке оригинала. В «BSC» же присутствуют все составляющие фирменного стиля Абекромби: постоянная игра слов, обыгрывание одних и тех же фраз в разных ситуациях, самоцитирование, искрометные диалоги, циничные комментарии и море черного юмора.
| Старая US обложка |
| Новая US обложка |
Резюме: Великолепная книга, которая должна прийтись по душе большинству любителей творчества Джо Аберкромби. Колоритные герои, блестящий черный юмор, увлекательный сюжет, игра слов, замечательные диалоги, камео героев «Первого закона», очередной раунд борьбы Байяза и Кхалюля и многое-многое другое ожидает вас под обложкой этой основательной, толстенькой книги. Но будьте осторожны! Открывая роман, вы рискуете поглощать холодной всю свою еду — погрузившись в книгу, очень легко забыть про обед.
В то же время я не рискну рекомендовать книгу для всеобщего прочтения — если даже некоторые поклонники «Первого закона» от книги плюются, то уж что говорить обо всех остальных. Но если вы любите мрачные, жестокие, реалистичные истории, с элементами натурализма, с колоритными, но беспринципными и циничными мерзавцами в роли главных героев — Джо вас не подведет.
Best Served Cold
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Ветераны аналогового аудио и пионеры DSP Universal Audio объявили о своем выходе на рынок микрофонов с шестью новыми моделями. Первый, по-видимому.
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Потрясающий звук никогда не выглядел так хорошо В 2007 году оригинальный Apogee Duet разрушил все представления о том, каким может быть интерфейс.
Best Served Cold Limited
For this post I think I shall step back and let Raymond Swanland kick your ass:
The cover art for the limited edition of Best Served Cold from the ever wonderful Subterranean Press. I’ve been a big admirer of Swanland for some time, but he’s gone for a slightly less fantastical, more realistic style than usual with this and I think it suits the book rather nicely. Both numbered (limited to 500) and lettered (limited to 26) copies will include five black and white interior illustrations by the aforementioned Mr. Swanland, and from what I’ve seen of the roughs those will kick quite a sizeable quantity of ass as well. Order early to avoid disappointment…
Posted in announcements, artwork by Joe Abercrombie on April 30th, 2012.
54 comments so far
Ah! Monza! Just as I’ve pictured her. 🙂
I like the touch with the falling golden coins.
The cover does look good, but unfortunately displays Monza in an anatomically impractical pose. This is quite common for Fantasy covers, but I’m always a bit sad when I see it (especially on good books).
See also Jim Hines blog post on the subject. http://jimhines.livejournal.com/612200.html
Bonus points to you Joe, if you can give us a photograph of yourself attempting Monza’s pose 🙂
Chiropractor,
I am well aware of said anatomical impracticalities in fantasy covers, and indeed laughed long and hard with Mr. Hines over his excellent article, but I’m not sure this particular pose would be all that difficult to replicate, even with my dodgy neck. It’s spinal twisting poses such that ass and chest both face the viewer that tend more specifically to stretch credibility, and in this image the snake of Talins would appear to me to have pelvis and shoulder-girdle pretty much aligned. She’s got a bit of a spine arch, but that’s not hard to do, and might even be somewhat necessary if one wished to scatter coins behind one’s back, say…
I would of course give you a picture but sadly I took my leather thigh-boots and entire collection of armoured corsetry to the charity shop only last week, curse it!
That looks great. I prefer the two US covers though.
Look at poor old Caul Shivers with his sword slung over his shoulder. Already fearing the worst.
Awesome. I love that the artist included the wonky little finger!
Have to say that is one great cover.
Now we’re talking. It’s nice to have some detail and real artistic talent shown in a cover. I’m still unsure of “Red Country” being craptastic or just meh.
Awesome art. I’m guessing thats Caul on the right with the sword, and Friendly an the left with a glum look’bout him.
Just my opinion but all of your books from now on should have art like this. Good Stuff.
Shivers was mean to be “old”? I always pictured him as a rather young looking man. No older than thirty at the most.
It looks really well, i like such style of drawing. It’s very realistic and fantastical enough I only guess, if her face should be more damaged, and one-eyed Shivers with she would be better then a couple of random fantasy men at the background.
I think he aged a fair bit in that book Jacob. 🙂
Preordered mine a few weeks ago. Joy!!
Beautiful work but I agree about the unfortunate pose. I would have like to see Monza in a more ‘powerful’ stance rather than looking like she was in a perfume commercial. But I think it’s as good a rendering of how I see Monza as we’ll ever get.
And yes, the detail of her mangled hand is very cool indeed.
By the Power of Greyskull, there’s no pleasing some people…
I wouldn’t want to see one-eyed Shivers on the cover, It’d be too much of a spoiler.
Actually, Joe, I have a burning question about BEST SERVED COLD, if you could be so kind as to answer it.
Why did you intentionally avoid mentioning King Jezel by name? You only refer to him as ‘The King of the Union’. I was thinking that maybe you or your editor thought that BEST SERVED COLD would be read by more people than the trilogy, so you removed that particular spoiler for people who then went back to the first books.
I know that was the case with me. I read BSC first and I’m very glad I didn’t learn that Jezel became king beforehand. Intentional or not, I think it was a smart move.
Not necessarily that more people would read it, but that some might read it first if they didn’t want to commit to a whole trilogy, and that there should be as little spoiling as possible for their benefit.
i wish i had the cash for it right now, it looks AMAZING. BSC has some of my favorite characters in the world. also watched the movie Haywire the other night and thought that the woman who played the main character would make a great Monza, the perfect look.
Food on the table or the book? Damnit! Tonight, we starve!!
Sorry, but, as someone who used to do life-drawing, I’m not sure I understand what the problem is with the pose in terms of anatomy, especially when one considers the angle of the viewer. And, as for the hermeneutics, if it is the kind of pose one would expect in a perfume commercial (can’t say I’ve paid much attention to these) then I like the subversive juxtaposition of feminine seductivity with the suggestion of martial violence.
(Still like the old weapons/maps/bloodstains covers as well though.)
Wow. That’s visceral. I love it! Is this going to be a hardcover edition? (asking as I’m too lazy to click and look myself at the moment)
AJ,
Good choice. Food is for now. Limited edition is for keeps.
JenMo,
Hardcovers, absolutely, of a very high quality. I believe (though I’d check with Subterranean to be absolutely sure) the lettered are calfskin bound in a custom slip-case. They cost a fair bit, obviously.
Giasone,
I don’t get the anatomy argument at all. Doesn’t really seem like a ‘weak’ pose to me either, but I guess that’s a subjective thing.
I guess I always pictured Monza with her hand on her pommel and an “I fuckin’ DARE you…” look on her face.
With that in mind, Mr. Swanland’s painting looks just fine.
I’m not too fussed about whether the pose is possible or not, I have just enjoyed looking at her arse.
@SwindonNick – I salute you, Sir. Although my perfect Monza will always be Noomi Rapace from the Swedish GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO movies.
In a related thing, when’s the UK cover for A Red Country going to be out? I mean… no specific date, but surely you can ask the crones and witches you keep in your closet when the weather will..yknow?
UK cover in the next few weeks. Map’s done, brief is in for the weapons and they’re being done, then time to marry them together, of course…
Black and white illustrations, cool. I bet that will make for some styleish books. Was it your idea about the B&W thing? Also, do you think/know if there will be illustrated end sheets? It’s just LAoK didn’t have, and that was sort of a bummer, when the firts two did have.
Really looking forward to the book. Ordered a lettered edition as well as a limited to match the trilogy. I just hope they do something extra cool with lettered edition, as I’ll be eating less for a long while.
As a photographer, the pose looks like something I might ask a fashion model to do. Perfectly possible.
Which city is depicted in the background by the way?
I own a U.S. hard cover edition, the one with the swordwoman on the front. It’s one of my all time favorite covers on one of my favorite books.
I don’t really care for the soft covers of Heros and BSC. Love both U.S. hardcovers.
Andreas,
Not my idea, it’ll be either the artist or more likely the folks at Subterranean. My guess is they feel 5 b&w plates gives you a better bang for your buck than 3 colour, especially in a big book. But I think it’s definitely a cool idea. Endsheets, not sure, probably not illustrated ones, since there are already 5 plates internally.
Lazlo,
Couldn’t tell you for definite, and it might be that the artist is going more for vibe than specifics, but I’d guess at Visserine, given the towers and the fire and all. Plus Shivers (if that’s him) doesn’t look to have his notable distinguishing feature quite yet…
Ravenous,
I never cease to be amazed by the breadth of opinion on cover art, and also the degree to which aesthetic and commercial considerations can often be opposed – which is to say there’s a constant battle between what is strong and arresting and what is inoffensive. Also between what is edgy and unusual (I never saw anything like that before, I’m intrigued) and what is recognisably of a type (oh, it looks like that other book I liked). These days a lot of the big fantasy authors (Martin and Hobb, off the top of my head) have quite simple, graphic design that hardly grabs you by the short hairs but is unlikely to turn off a potential reader. Lots and lots of hooded figures about also. I think the ideal cover somehow performs the alchemy in a single image of appealing to your core audience without turning off a wider one, of seeming exciting and arresting while still giving echoes that refer to the type of book you’re getting, and also somehow establishing a certain feel or brand for the author that might be recognisable. I think my UK covers are so good because they go a long way towards achieving those things. Limited editions are a slightly different brew because they don’t have to try hard to bring in new readers, they can unashamedly preach to the choir, if you will.
I do love Monzcarro.
On reflection I think I like the coins falling out of her hand for the effect but otherwise things are a bit fuzzy. Something about her face, if you gave her some elf ears she could be right out of a R.A. Salvatore book. Also, I don’t know what the dude was saying about her arse cause I can’t even tell she has one. Overall C- for those scoring at home
This is our third look at monza but we have only seen one good painting of Logen. Sad face:(.
I’m still waiting for a group picture of the Northmen in their prime. Logen, dogman, threetrees, Dow, weakest, Tull. All standing together looking fierce and dirty. Professionally painted of course. Now that’s a painting I’d pay decent coin for!
Of course I’d pay good money for a short story about said group as well, Joe.
That is a gorgeous piece of work, the buildings look more futuristic than fantasical, but what the hell it looks stunning.
Just wish I could afford one now!
Do you have any say in whether the artwork would be released independent of the book? Now a book of artworks centred around The First Law would be something to see.
Phil,
Subterranean commissioned it and I would imagine they wouldn’t want it to appear anywhere else – exclusivity is part of the whole point of a Limited Edition. But you never know.
It’s already sold out. Wtf.
[…] cover for Best Served Cold by Raymond Swanland: Best Served Cold Limited | Joe Abercrombie Red Country looks good for release this year. __________________ I eat grass like an ox and shat […]
The lettered has sold out since I made the post, the numbered one is still available as I type, apparently.
Got it ordered thanks Joe I was bummed. What’s the difference between the lettered and the numbered.
The lettered is leather bound and comes in a custom tray-case, but I think is otherwise the same.
And, of course, people who own the lettered can look at your numbered edition with a faintly comical lift of one eyebrow, as if to say, ‘oh, how quaint, a NUMBERED edition.’
I see Amazon is starting it’s own channel and is looking for submissions – hint hint – love to see all of these on screen, done by people who care. (None of that “Seeker” nasty stuff)
damn, got in too late for the party, really wanted the lettered edition (snobbish, really, since until Joe’s post i didn’t even know what it consisted of!)
something about having “the VIP” of the limited edition must have appealed to me!
I’m a huge fan of Swanland, so I’m glad he’s doing it. That said, does anyone else think the armor/corset thingie makes her look fat?
Looks fantastic! Shame it’s already sold out:(
Got mind ordered. Just advised my wife to clear the credit card as I am going after the first two books of the First Law Trilogy to complete my set of those as well.
The I will put them on my display bookshelf and howl at them!!
Ryan,
I think our definitions of fat differ.
Upcoming,
As already said upthread, the lettered is sold out, the numbered still available.
[…] Notes:Best Served Cold Limited5 Scientific Explanations for Game of Thrones‘ Messed-Up SeasonsTor unveil the final cover art […]
I want that on a massive poster… I suppose I can order a copy too, obviously. He really captured her look of hatred well.
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Best Served Cold
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This update extends the original quest line of «Best Served Cold». Adding two possible followers, a new temple to explore, new weapons, and bug fixes.
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Best Served Cold 1.2
The torturer in Markarth is tasked with finding a killer. But he comes to you for help as he cannot seem to find the mysterious murderer. You agree to help him and during your investigation, you uncover the dark past of the vengeful killer and must decide to forgive or not forgive. IMPORTANT: Please turn subtitles on as there is no voice acting.
Best Served Cold 1.3
The torturer in Markarth is tasked with finding a killer. But he comes to you for help as he cannot seem to find the mysterious murderer. You agree to help him and during your investigation, you uncover the dark past of the vengeful killer and must decide to forgive or not forgive. IMPORTANT: Please turn subtitles on as there is no voice acting.
Best Served Cold 1.4
The torturer in Markarth is tasked with finding a killer. But he comes to you for help as he cannot seem to find the mysterious murderer. You agree to help him and during your investigation, you uncover the dark past of the vengeful killer and must decide to forgive or not forgive. IMPORTANT: Please turn subtitles on as there is no voice acting.
Best Served Cold
Джо Аберкромби
21 августа 2022 г. 13:01
5 В мире мало что бывает хуже тупого ножа и мало что лучше острого.
Еще за долго до знакомства с творчеством Джо Аберкромби я знала что мне с этим автором точно по пути. И я очень рада, что с каждой прочитанной книгой, моя вера в гениальность этого писателя только увеличивается. Должна признать, что Джо Аберкромби окончательно и бесповоротно покорил меня своим творчеством с первых строк.
«Лучше подавать холодным» я бы назвала промежуточным произведением между другими циклами автора, но несомненно связующим. Данная книга является одиночным и внецикловым романом Земного круга. Но не смотря на то что данная книга полноправно не входит в трилогию «Земного круга», в ней автор рассказывает события, произошедшие спустя годы после описанных событий в трилогии «Первого закона». В этом произведении можно встретить или «отдаленно услышать отголоски» некоторых…
10 августа 2022 г. 15:59
Первая одиночная книга из цикла «Земной круг», которую по хронологии нужно читать после основной трилогии, хоть это и не продолжение. Можно в принципе читать и перед трилогией, но таким образом вы не поймете некоторые отсылки. Например, кто такой Девять смертей, что за калека и король союза, и тому подобное.Поэтому я лично советую читать после трилогии, потому как всегда приятно встретить упоминания знакомых имён, а то и самих персонажей!⠀Что касаемо истории… она невероятная!Интересная, динамичная, непредсказуемая!Мне казалось, что за одну книгу не получится разрулить сюжет так, чтобы можно было влиться в повествование целиком и полностью, но я ошибалась!За одну книгу можно успеть всё и даже больше!⠀Персонажи, как и в трилогии, многогранные, абсолютно разные, но этим и цепляющие. Нет…
Best Served Cold
Joe Abercrombie
Springtime in Styria. And that means war. Springtime in Styria. And that means revenge.
There have been nineteen years of blood. The ruthless Grand Duke Orso is locked in a vicious struggle with the squabbling League of Eight, and between them they have bled the land white. While armies march, heads roll and cities burn, behind the scenes bankers, priests and older, darker powers play a deadly game to choose who will be king.
Лучшая рецензия на книгу
(ну раз Лайвлиб так считает)
22 августа 2022 г. 14:40
3 ЧИТАТЕЛЬ: СКОЛЬКО УБИЙСТВ ЗА КНИГУ ВЫ ХОТИТЕ? АБЕРКРОМБИ: ДА.
Это было слабенько, но отнюдь не плохо. По-началу я не могла поймать тот самый вайб повествования Аберкромби, но ближе к средине втянулась.
История, представленная тут, довольно локальная, пускай автор и попытался взять размахом: тут тебе и битва на битве (в каждой главе кровавая баня), и изобилие интимных сцен.
Главным минусом этого произведения стало отсутсвие харизматичного персонажа. Герои тут нормальные, правда некоторые участники сюжета слишком уж скопированы с того же Логена, например. Глокта тащил для меня трилогию, а тут местного Калеки не было.
Читается «Лучше подавать холодным» интересно большую часть времени, но случались моменты, когда прям провисало повествование, становилось скучно, сумбурно, да и ВОТЭТОПОВОРОТ тут как-то не работает.
Порадовали, конечно же, отсылки к…
ISBN: 0-575-08245-3, 978-0-575-08245-8
Hardcover, 534 pages
Cover Art: Didier Graffet and Dave Senior (illustration)
Laura Brett (Art Direction)
Возрастные ограничения: 18+
Действие романа Лучше подавать холодным разворачивается в той же Вселенной, что и серия Первый закон, примерно через три года после событий трилогии. Действие происходит в Штирии: континенте, напоминающем Италию во время итальянских войн — и фокусируется на мести женщины, преданной своим нанимателем.
«Яркое и беспощадно правдивое описание битв, действие брутальное, темп стремительный. Предательство следует за предательством, ловко вплетенные в непредсказуемые повороты лихо закрученного сюжета, чтобы заставить нас гадать, что из этого получится. Это его самая лучшая книга.»
Джордж Р.Р. Мартин
«Аберкромби и дьявольски изобретателен, и весьма убедителен, особенно когда сдабривает свои потрясающе достоверные боевые эпизоды юмором столь черным, что он становится почти ультрафиолетовым».
Publishers Weekly
«Этот роман мог бы написать Квентин Тарантино.»
Amazon.com
Рецензии
(ну раз Лайвлиб так считает)
22 августа 2022 г. 14:40
3 ЧИТАТЕЛЬ: СКОЛЬКО УБИЙСТВ ЗА КНИГУ ВЫ ХОТИТЕ? АБЕРКРОМБИ: ДА.
Это было слабенько, но отнюдь не плохо. По-началу я не могла поймать тот самый вайб повествования Аберкромби, но ближе к средине втянулась.
История, представленная тут, довольно локальная, пускай автор и попытался взять размахом: тут тебе и битва на битве (в каждой главе кровавая баня), и изобилие интимных сцен.
Главным минусом этого произведения стало отсутсвие харизматичного персонажа. Герои тут нормальные, правда некоторые участники сюжета слишком уж скопированы с того же Логена, например. Глокта тащил для меня трилогию, а тут местного Калеки не было.
Читается «Лучше подавать холодным» интересно большую часть времени, но случались моменты, когда прям провисало повествование, становилось скучно, сумбурно, да и ВОТЭТОПОВОРОТ тут как-то не работает.
Порадовали, конечно же, отсылки к…
21 августа 2022 г. 13:01
5 В мире мало что бывает хуже тупого ножа и мало что лучше острого.
Еще за долго до знакомства с творчеством Джо Аберкромби я знала что мне с этим автором точно по пути. И я очень рада, что с каждой прочитанной книгой, моя вера в гениальность этого писателя только увеличивается. Должна признать, что Джо Аберкромби окончательно и бесповоротно покорил меня своим творчеством с первых строк.
«Лучше подавать холодным» я бы назвала промежуточным произведением между другими циклами автора, но несомненно связующим. Данная книга является одиночным и внецикловым романом Земного круга. Но не смотря на то что данная книга полноправно не входит в трилогию «Земного круга», в ней автор рассказывает события, произошедшие спустя годы после описанных событий в трилогии «Первого закона». В этом произведении можно встретить или «отдаленно услышать отголоски» некоторых…
Best Served Cold
Arman: Oh well, life’s Best Served Cold.
Revenge is a dish best served cold
An old, widely used phrase expressing the sentiment that revenge that is delayed, and executed well after the heat of anger has dissipated, is more satisfying than revenge taken as an immediate act of rage.
It has been frequently been claimed on the Internet to have originated in the novel «Les Liaisons Dangereuses» by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos. In truth, however, there are two problems with the widely circulated quotation from that book. The first is that the phrase does not appear in the novel, or anything else that de Lacois wrote. The second problem is that the French quotation used as proof is linguistically erroneous; de Lacois would never have written the words attributed to him. Thus it bears all the hallmarks of an Internet «fact» for which someone invented an authentication that seemed plausible, knowing that it would rarely be verified.
The phrase has been in use since at least the 19th century, and at least one author’s use of it back then expressed to the reader that it was an already existing dictum.
Of course, how long ago it came into being in the Klingon Empire would be an interesting subject for xenolinguistic research.
Best Served Cold Extract
Proofs of Best Served Cold have slaughtered their guards, escaped from captivity and burst out into the wild, so I daresay we can expect the blogosphere to CATCH FIRE with reviews over the next week or two. In the meantime, for those of you unfortunate (or should that be fortunate) enough not to be an internet sf&f reviewer, I have a little something to whet, and, indeed, wet, your appetites for high-quality hilarious yet extremely violent and morally questionable fantasy fiction.
For the ENTIRE first chapter of Best Served Cold is available HERE, NOW on my website, free of charge, for your READING PLEASURE.
You lucky bastards.
Posted in news by Joe Abercrombie on March 4th, 2009.
15 comments so far
Send me a link to the rest of it now you cruel, utter bastard!
Oh man! That was fantastic!
I want Best Serve Cold, and I want it Now!
Seriously that was just awesome Joe, reading that chapter really squashed my fears that Best Serve Cold won’t be as good as your First Law trilogy.
Thanks for letting us read the first chapter; that was so uber-cool of you.
p.s. Your coolness rating will probably go much higher if you send me the whole book right now. 🙂
Thaaaank you! Awesome. If I wasn’t a fan already, you’d have had me at “You pompous cock.” On page one. NICE.
Hey, why not make like that nice Jim Butcher and gift us a chapter a month? Please? To tide us over til publication? 😉
How can we thank you for this brilliant books?
Even if the rest of the book is only half as good, you’re still going to be a Big Number One next year.
If there’s any justice left in this world.
Amazing! I am a lucky Bastard!
I will not read it, because with certainty the excerpt will tease me and then I will not have peace until I read the entire novel (it will not be the first time when this will happen to me) :D. But ceratinly I’ll read the novel.
May I ask if the link to Nemira publishing house has the reason I believe it has for being there 😉
The Romanian fantasy market will love your books 🙂
Other fantasy authors would have written half a book leading to that chapter, dressing it up as a climax. The fact that you start your book with that chapter speaks volumes. Thanks a bunch for the extract.
You’re too good to us bastards, Joe.
Gah! I was thinking of waiting for the paperback, now I might have to get the hardback this year. You evil, evil bugger!
Good stuff! I am eagerly awaiting this book.
However, I noticed a small typo (which more skilled proofreaders than me has probably already noticed).
When Monza is being strangled, the wire is pulled taught instead of taut.
Just thought I should mention it.
I work in a bookshop and received a proof copy of ‘Best Served Cold’. I just wanted to let you know I thought it was AWESOME!
Just finished the review copy and I have to say, it really is a great read. I’m glad I read it at home because I found myself sniggering and laughing out loud quite a bit, and doing that on the tube is quite embarrassing.
Was that a glimmer of an upbeat ending there Mr. Abercrombie?
Awesome. I want the novel so bad, why must i wait so long.
Just me, or is there a curious trend emerging? Start of the book has someone falling off something very high. Good trend.
Reading this yet knowing that the book doesn’t come out for a while yet is like dangling a canteen in front of a man with a mouthful of dust in the midst of the desert and telling him he can only have a small sip. cruel. That said, the first chapter was amazing, tantalizing, etc. etc. Can’t wait for the rest of the book!